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[Chronic underthought]

Thanks for the feedback!

[Scalvert]

You might change "personal fulfillment" to "personal satisfaction," then move the first two sentences of your conclusion to the preceding paragraph and forget adding a couple of sentences. With a 4.0 and 173, you honestly don't need to overthink this. Just demonstrate good writing skills (which you accomplished) and don't sound crazy (which you don't). I think you'll do just fine with either this or your first PS, TBH.

[debdeb2]

This essay is composed, thoughtful, and it telescopes well - it moves among action, observation, reflection and analysis, and the reader experiences the movement seamlessly. This bodes well for you, because you invoke both your love of thought processing and your inclination towards philosophy. Those subjects indicate that the writer had better be pretty good at expressing complex thoughts.

The weakest paragraph for me is the first paragraph. The construction of the first sentence is like a bizarro tautology for me. (Ex: I am me...except when I was not me.) It certainly catches the eye, but I don't know if it has the effect you'd like that intro to have. I started the essay feeling puzzled.

For the narrative, the P1 turn is important. We need to understand that something shifted for you, and that you were not placed on a trajectory at a young age, but rather found it by yourself, as an adult. Which is to say: the content for P1 is probably correct - I would just recommend revising it. A grabber more like "I was one of the 67% who bothered to graduate in my HS class." Play with data and tone, and show the reader that despite the odds, you overcame this particular cloud o' apathy.

It's a promising draft. Best of luck -

[CanadianWolf]

"surprises", not "new surprises".

DELETE: The name "Eugene Gilyard".

Please do not add any more sentences to this law school PS. Better to condense it as there is a bit of unnecessary repetition already in your writing.

DELETE: "I have not always been myself." Do not add anything.

DELETE: "...and still is."

CHANGE: "one assistant principal" to "an assistant principal."

Do you really believe that mock trial competitions are "impromptu" ?

CHANGE: "said" to "suggested" re: "the cover of the box". (Although it is okay as is in this context.)

DELETE: "distinct" before "adversarial process".

The first sentence of the third paragraph has nothing to do with the rest of the paragraph.

DELETE: "entirely". Just using "different" is more accurate.

DELETE: "sort of" in the second paragraph.

[CanadianWolf]

Overall this is an adequate law school PS due to the consistent theme which makes for an easy read. On the negative side, your writing is neither crisp nor concise. (A few years in litigation should cure this, however.)

[CanadianWolf]

CONSIDER changing "intrigue" to "process".

CONSIDER: "...spend more time outside of the courtroom..." rather than the "day-to-day" phrase. Also, why are there quotes around "trial attorneys" in this sentence ?

CHANGE: "that" to "whom". "...I have been more inspired by the attorneys with whom I worked...".

DELETE (and do NOT add anything): The final sentence of your writing.

REVISE: The sentence dealing with crying in private (which it was not if you were present). This sentence is not well constructed.

[CanadianWolf]

By deleting the first & last sentences of your proposed law school PS, the theme becomes clear resulting in a more effective writing.