Comments, please! Forum

[3pianists]

Hey TLS people,

I'm nervously seeking input on this personal statement draft. The general idea is that I'm trying to explain how I ended up deciding to attend law school--that it's actually related to something I've learned about myself after a lifetime of being passionately curious about everything. My goal is to convince the reader that my weird combination of fields of study (piano major with minors in math; physics; Italian; and law, justice, and culture studies) is a pretty cool thing, and that I won't bounce away from law school as soon as something else catches my eye because it combines and exemplifies the things I love about all my other fields. I've read it too many times to know how effectively I'm communicating that; I'm also concerned that I'm spending too much time on my early life. I'd love comments on those two areas, and any other red flags or potential for improvement you notice!

Thanks!



Update: Thanks for the very helpful advice! My much revised and improved PS is now circulating the rounds of my flesh-and-blood contacts who I trust to help me further tune it up.

[Scalvert]

Hmmmm. This is not going to help one bit, but... I don't know. I like what you wrote and how you wrote it, but I'm not sure how it will be received. (I'm sure that's your worry as well) I'm honestly not sure that what you've said is going to convince anyone that, despite what you say, you won't get bored and decide you'd rather study ancient runes. Right now, you seem excited about law; however, you seem to have been as equally excited by mushrooms, bees, and genetic mutations at other times. Maybe I'm over-thinking it.

[debdeb2]

This is well written, earnest, memorable - and it makes me believe you should get on a track to become a professor, and not necessarily a professor of law. (Or, possibly you'd be a clever entrepreneur.) Have you read "One L" by Turow? I'd recommend reading it (it's pretty quick), and thinking about whether you desire that level of reprogramming. I sense that you treasure your native wonder capability.

This essay says to me that this applicant should meander towards a PhD in something - perhaps Mycology, perhaps something interdisciplinary.

My husband is a similar sort - he's into all sorts of minutiae, and can obsess over 60s music, or legos, or baseball stats, or literary theory, or genre movies on any given day. He did law school, and then law, and then burned out. Now he's a professor, and is about as happy as I've seen him, because he gets to think and play and spend hours discussing whatever his topic of the day is with students and colleagues.

it's a fine and playful essay, and with good numbers, it'd get you in somewhere - but it doesn't communicate that law is your natural path. Best of luck out there -

[3pianists]

Okay, so this definitely seems to be confirming what I was already thinking about this essay. Do you guys sense that augmenting with more information--about how long I've been interested in law (since high school, when I was very successful in mock trial competitions) or an expanded breakdown of how my motif of analysis and communication is present but not the main focus of other disciplines I've studied--would help the problem, or is it inherently an issue with the lens I've chosen? I'm quite open to scrapping the whole thing and finding a new topic to focus on.

it makes me believe you should get on a track to become a professor, and not necessarily a professor of law.

Definitely something I've considered. Thanks for your kind feedback, and I'll definitely track down that book...

[CanadianWolf]

Your proposed law school PS reads well up until the final paragraph in which you seemingly introduce a new topic about an unusual educational background. Your final paragraph needs to be revised.

[barley]

Hmmmm. This is not going to help one bit, but... I don't know. I like what you wrote and how you wrote it, but I'm not sure how it will be received. (I'm sure that's your worry as well) I'm honestly not sure that what you've said is going to convince anyone that, despite what you say, you won't get bored and decide you'd rather study ancient runes. Right now, you seem excited about law; however, you seem to have been as equally excited by mushrooms, bees, and genetic mutations at other times. Maybe I'm over-thinking it.

I had the exact same reaction. I purposely didn't read your "What I'm aiming for" paragraph in OP until after I read the essay, but after I did I wasn't sure if you accomplished it. I loved reading the PS - it was well-written and really charming - but the whole time I kept thinking, "s/he's totally gonna change his/her mind". Your last-minute assertions to the contrary didn't really convince me otherwise.

[Scalvert]

Okay, so this definitely seems to be confirming what I was already thinking about this essay. Do you guys sense that augmenting with more information--about how long I've been interested in law (since high school, when I was very successful in mock trial competitions) or an expanded breakdown of how my motif of analysis and communication is present but not the main focus of other disciplines I've studied--would help the problem, or is it inherently an issue with the lens I've chosen? I'm quite open to scrapping the whole thing and finding a new topic to focus on.

I think that could help. Give it a shot. Hopefully, your rewrite will have the same tone as your first draft because I really enjoyed it.

[debdeb2]

it depends where you're applying. T14s are typically after character, diversity, and excellent thinkers/writers. You can send a T14 a more abstract/erudite/symbolic/lyrical essay, because when you're in a vast pile of aces, it can be worth the risk. Mid-tiers are typically more interested in "why law" as a sort of "statement of purpose" - as in, are possibly looking for a more careerist essay that implies you know what you're in for.

high school mock trial comes up pretty frequently for law school applicants, but it's not really a ring-a-ding-ding head-turning topic. Most applicants write about mock trial when it is truly the only thing they have to write about. I don't think that's the case for you.

I don't think the issue is that your subject choices are too far afield from law - it's more that there are so many of them. You create an implied argument of "I'm so ravenously curious that I cannot settle on any one thing" and then conclude with "but I pinky swear to settle on law."

I get the impression that you can write vibrantly on anything, so maybe what you could try is writing a more focused essay. Just pick one or two ideas, and go deep instead of broad. See what you've got when you emerge.

good luck -