HARD TIME CHOOSING SPECIFIC POINTS TO MAKE WITH MY TOPIC Forum

[Keilz]

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[rnoodles]

Your opening sentence should be as follows: This one time, at band camp...

The rest will write itself.

[debdeb2]

I'm going to reference these linked essays that folks have been chatting about, because the first essay in the batch could serve as a partial model for you:

http://www.law.uchicago.edu/alumni/maga ... irownwords

Caveats: admissions offices typically share the most approachable essays they receive, and not the most challenging or complex essays. That first essay is very approachable, and uses a couple twee affectations that I am not advocating for here. That said, that applicant got into UofC law, so it clearly didn't bother the adcomms. And the essay does a lot very well.

Here's what that essay does right: There are some excellent sentences in this essay in terms of complexity and that ineffable term, "flow." Take, for example:

I pictured things, events, and people (some real, some entirely imagined— but all intensely personal) in my mind as I played, and the feelings and melodies flowed easily: frustration into Beethoven’s Sonata Pathétique, wistfulness into Chopin’s nocturnes and waltzes, and sheer joy into Schubert. Practice was no longer a chore; it was a privilege and a delight.

This section features a complex parenthetical statement, weaves in some real detail about music that lends authenticity, and sums up the data as a holistic experience in which the writer transcends the "chore" and reaches the level of "delight." The reader sees the growth, experiences the music of the writing, which lends itself to the topic chosen, and is left with a positive impression of the applicant.

Also, take this section:

To make things a bit more interesting for myself—and for the congregation—I took to experimenting, pairing the written melodies with chords and harmonies of my own creation. I rarely played a song the same way twice; the beauty of improvisation, of songwriting, is that it is as much “feeling” as it is logic and theory.

Again, we have complex structures, deft parentheticals that add detail in a way that creates a sort of "ecstatic gasp" for the reader (this too! The writer divulges, creating a wink for the reader and further enveloping the reader in this members-only world), and we have a picture of a young woman who is not playing by the rules, but is instead creating a new world through music, and letting others enjoy her experimentation. It leaves the impression that the writer is generous, creative, and willing to take a risk.

Because your topic is so rich and complex, I recommend that you get into that personal headspace. What helps: going out with your favorite friends, having a laugh, and scheduling essay writing time immediately when you get home. If you're in a great mood when you write, you'll often be more free, and your mood and tone will shine through in your writing.

Think of some of your favorite memoirists - Bill Bryson, Sedaris, heck even Chelsea Handler - or pick up a favorite novel written in first person, or a copy of the New Yorker. Read a couple good pieces of writing, and even think about picking out a paragraph you really like and studying it to see "how it ticks."

When you sit down to write, do not limit yourself. Write a lot. You won't know beforehand where your writing will carry the most meaning. Get into the groove, write in a number of areas, and don't think about word count. Then, put it all away for a couple days and come back to it. What stands out? What makes you smile?

I think the final take-away from the sample UofC essay is that it isn't about one specific point in time. The writer chose the idea of learning becoming personally transformative, and wrote around that theme. That is a sophisticated way to come at a personal statement, and it certainly can work. If there is a theme that resonates with you - ex: mentorship as a vehicle for improved educational outcomes; working as a team to improve aggregate creativity; music as a vector for unexpected opportunities - choose a theme instead, and start writing around that.

Your thesis in the end will probably be: I have excellent character; or, I am an excellent writer and thinker; or, I have great character and can really write. These are the implied theses of almost all personal statements - you're just choosing a narrative vessel that will illustrate one or more of the above.

Good luck, and feel free to send a DM if you prefer

[encore1101]

Whatever you do, make sure you conclude by saying, "You could say that orchestra has been instrumental in my life."

[CanadianWolf]

Pick a new topic. Try to develop another theme since this one is not working for you. If you insist on staying with your current theme, then create a first draft & seek comments.

[Keilz]

Thanks debdeb!

[Keilz]

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[Scalvert]

I can't imagine that after years and years, and many thousands of personal statements being written, that a certain number of them wouldn't be somewhat similar.

[debdeb2]

don't worry about having a similar topic - topics end up being recycled. There's no way around it. It's how well you handle the topic you choose that matters -d