Deleted Forum

[msmizz85]

Deleted! Thanks once again to the helpful comments!

[Scalvert]

You write very well, but I think the first half of the essay needs some weeding . There's just too much unnecessary info. The second half is spent describing personal growth, but the first couple of paragraphs (although I like the imagery) would probably make an essay-weary AdComm mutter "get to the point."

How long is it double-spaced 12 pt? See what you can comfortably delete and still have it come in at 2 pages.

[msmizz85]

Thanks! I'll try to keep the best of the imagery and get rid of unnecessary descriptions. It's two pages 11 pt double spaced so it is doable.

[seashell.economy]

Cut out "guidebooks and travel enthusiasts alike" and the sentence sounds better, I think.

[seashell.economy]

Also, "to the east...to the west.." cut those sentences. Otherwise, I like the imagery/descriptions.

[CanadianWolf]

"... I doubted my physical and intellectual capacity for working on the farm." CONSIDER: substituting "mental" for "intellectual".

Weak & predictable ending disappoints the reader.

"...provided me the ability to partner with...." CONSIDER: substituting "opportunity" or "chance" for "ability".

[CanadianWolf]

CONSIDER: "After weeks of repotting sick plants and providing precise watering in order to curtail the spread of the fungus, the orchard house is healthy again."

CONSIDER: "No matter what I pursue, even in paradise, there will be challenges. But those tests won't defeat me. Instead, they will provide an opportunity for growth through persistence, learning & hard work."

[msmizz85]

Thank you so much! All helpful revisions I have taken into account!