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kjm1992
- Posts: 133
- Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2015 10:38 pm
Post removed.
Post removed.
Last edited by kjm1992 on Wed Nov 11, 2015 4:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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CanadianWolf
- Posts: 11453
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm
Re: 3rd PS Draft
Consider using "numerous" instead of "countless". I suspect that the patient & her family know exactly how many surgeries she has endured.
Great PS except for the final paragraph. This should be condensed into a single sentence, in my opinion.
Great PS except for the final paragraph. This should be condensed into a single sentence, in my opinion.
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Scalvert
- Posts: 634
- Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2015 10:40 pm
Re: 3rd PS Draft
I like it! I think you did an awesome job of narrowing the focus from your earlier draft.
Nit-picking here: would "all the bones" sound better than "every bone?"
Nit-picking here: would "all the bones" sound better than "every bone?"
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