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kjm1992 · Post by **kjm1992** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:15 pm

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benwyatt · Post by **benwyatt** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:22 pm

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smile0751 · Post by **smile0751** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:40 pm

benwyatt wrote:This is a bad personal statement.

I'm sorry to put it that bluntly, but the story wasn't interesting and it didn't tell me anything about you.

What I learned:

1. You went backpacking/to Greece.
2. You don't trust the media.
3. This trip didn't change you.

P.S. I hope you mean class of 2019 because I think you're a little late for 2018.

Sorry, but I have to agree with the above. I do think you have a great clear and clean writing style which does mean a lot and will certainly help you. I just think the topic is a bit uninspired. Is there anything which has inspired your support of women's rights?

Generally · Post by **Generally** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 5:07 pm

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barley · Post by **barley** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 5:08 pm

benwyatt wrote:This is a bad personal statement.

I'm sorry to put it that bluntly, but the story wasn't interesting and it didn't tell me anything about you.

What I learned:

1. You went backpacking/to Greece.
2. You don't trust the media.
3. This trip didn't change you.

P.S. I hope you mean class of 2019 because I think you're a little late for 2018.

I'm afraid I have to agree with all of this. This really told me nothing relevant about you, and the Chicago paragraph feels awkwardly tacked on.

Based on your school choice, I'm sure you're very intelligent and accomplished. I'm willing to bet that writing about a particularly engaging academic experience or professional accomplishment would be miles better than a cookie cutter American-goes-abroad essay. I'd encourage you to start fresh with a new topic rather than getting to attached to this one. Good luck!

Scalvert · Post by **Scalvert** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 5:12 pm

Agree with the other posters. Your writing style is fine, but write about an experience that made you who you are today. It doesn't have to be anything earth-shattering, just something that clearly shows personal growth to the reader. There are some videos here that might help you:

http://www.personalstatementschool.com/ ... -tips.html

doublehoohopeful · Post by **doublehoohopeful** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 5:24 pm

+1 to what everyone else has said here. It reads like a subpar travel blog. You should tell the adcomms something important about yourself.

urbanist11 · Post by **urbanist11** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 5:29 pm

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kjm1992 · Post by **kjm1992** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 5:37 pm

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