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cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 12:12 pm

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LawsRUs · Post by **LawsRUs** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 6:33 am

This is only my suggestion re your PS:

I would reframe your story as you seeing how federal laws and policies have historically drained resources out of NA communities >> and this leading to problems of diet, nutrition, and access to fresh food >> making obesity a real issue for NA communities. Thus, you seeing the need to redirect these resources back to NA communities through legal mechanisms. (You have to reword this so that you sound realistic.)

I think framing your story in that way can weave your interest in law and law school better.

joeycxxxx09 · Post by **joeycxxxx09** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 8:51 am

Personal statement is not that great. I would rethink the angle of the story you're choosing to write the statement from, come at it from another perspective that relates better to law school. Especially with the school discipline addendum, one which involves academic dishonesty, (not saying you did anything wrong just going off the punishment they gave you) you need to show that you're not that guy who got in trouble twice but someone else. And the necessary/sufficient line made me cringe. Not necessary.

cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 2:22 pm

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LawsRUs · Post by **LawsRUs** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:07 pm

I think I would have trouble explaining how a career in Patent Law could be used to bring resources back to Native American communities.

Maybe how patent law cases have used sovereign immunity arguments and what they do for NA self-determination and economic independence. It doesn't and shouldn't be about food. Instead you can abstract it to one about access to resources and property rights. But if you feel disinterested about writing this, you probably shouldn't. Do you have work experience in patents? Can you bring it up in that way? Why patents?--I don't think your essays mention it.

cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:38 pm

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cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:41 pm

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LawsRUs · Post by **LawsRUs** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:59 pm

There you go. Your PS is so much better even with that one paragraph added in.

LawsRUs · Post by **LawsRUs** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 4:07 pm

Re: Your addendum

1. You don't need to put it in a letter format. Content seemed fine to me. But @joey makes a valid point that you might want to think about.
2. First para, second to last sentence: Put it in an active voice. "The dean said..."
3. Second para, first sentence: Put it in a more passive voice. "My accusation was..."

cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 5:02 pm

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LawsRUs · Post by **LawsRUs** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 6:20 pm

I think you've already done everything that you could do under the circumstances. No, I wouldn't mention those points. GL with your cycle--you'll probably do really great.

CanadianWolf · Post by **CanadianWolf** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 7:51 pm

Great diversity statement. Excellent PS that loses a bit of its natural flow in the final two sentences.

cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 9:11 pm

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cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Fri Aug 14, 2015 5:18 pm

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cc1012 · Post by **cc1012** » Fri Aug 14, 2015 5:18 pm

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