Personal Statement - Deleted Forum

[numb3r4]

Thank you all so much! I gained a ton of valuable feedback and I'll definitely be considering it as I think about my applications going forward!

[CanadianWolf]

Enjoyable, entertaining & well constructed. Could double as a law school PS & as an academic addendum to explain the 3.1 GPA.

[urbanist11]

Post removed.

[redtalun]

Not sure how an older audience will receive this. There's still a stigma associated with video games as a waste of time.
The 'work' parts of your gaming experience (teamwork, hard work, coordination, etc.) don't stand out as much as they should, partly because it does take a while to explain what WOW is, and I'm still left with the nagging question of whether there's a maturity problem with your playing video games instead of studying.

[texasellewoods]

Completely agree with urbanist - much better than I expected!! It definitely makes me interested in knowing more about you, and I think that admissions officers will look twice at your application. But like urbanist said, the last paragraph sounds like a stretch to me. I would focus more on the personal development part and let the admissions committee make the link themselves.
Why did you stop playing? I don't know how that will be viewed (she/he gained skills but now has more time to devote to law school or she/he stopped doing something important to them so maybe they are not as dedicated), but if you think the reason is important I might add a half sentence just to clarify.

Quick edit - in the first sentence in the second paragraph, "additionally, there are also" is redundant.

Good luck OP!!

[barley]

This was actually much better than I anticipated, but ultimately I think that submitting it would be a huge risk. There are a few run-on sentences and misused words in there (which I'm sure you can easily fix with revision - you're quite a good writer), but beyond that, the subject matter just seems too juvenile to me. Even though you identify a surprising number of overlapping skills between WoW and law, you (no offense) sort of come across as someone who just sits in front of a screen and can't interact with people in real life. Maybe taking out your mom's criticisms and words like "stupor" would help with this marginally. Speaking of which, you don't specify exactly when this happened, so for all they know you could still be living in your parents' basement playing video games while your mom feeds you and does your laundry. These are all probably unfair stereotypes and I'm not saying I believe them, but they definitely exist and members of adcomms may very well hold them against you.

If you like this essay - and there are certainly reasons to like it - I might even suggest submitting it to "reach" schools in the hope that it makes you unique, and draft something safer for schools you think you have a solid chance at.

[Chill_Out]

You should select a different topic. I've had numerous conversations about video game personal statements with people (including some admissions officers) and this will certainly make you a less competitive applicant. Please pm me if you have any questions.

[yomisterd]

save this for when you apply to work in-house at Blizzard.

[numb3r4]

.

[barley]

That context is very helpful - sounds like you've accomplished a lot, which definitely would help negate some of of the stigma against video games! With that said, it sounds like you already cover WoW in your diversity statement, which would make me extra wary about ALSO talking about it in your personal statement.

If I were you, I'd lift some of the great WoW/law comparisons you made in the PS and integrate them into your diversify statement in a way that says "yes, I used WoW to cope, but I also took away these relevant skills from it." Then, you can focus your PS on your professional experiences, which will make you seem like a more appealing, mature candidate.

I'm not too familiar with how much of a URM boost you should expect, but I suggest checking out the TLS URM forum for better informed opinions on what you can expect.

[jrf12886]

I think this is well written, but writing on this topic is risky. Given your strong LSAT, I would go with a more traditional topic and play it safe.

Also, no one quits WoW.

[redtalun]

Couldn't you write something about your time at the AG's office or state legislature that is more directly on point with why you want to go to law school - and more importantly, is much safer?

If you were a K-JD with middle of the road vitals, going for a risky topic could make you stand out, but with your stats (URM, 172, relevant WE, strong recs) you would be better served emphasizing your very relevant WE and telling a feel-good story that synergizes with your resume + recs.

[Johann]

this is dumb. at a time when law schools are super concerned about their grads being decent interviews and getting jobs, you are doing yourself no favors.

this personal statement sucks but would go over better:

Every morning for the last X years, I've played a loser video game, WOW. I've spent so many hours of my loser life playing this loser game talking to my loser friends online, I realized what a loser I'd become. I want to go to law school to be less of a loser.

[Desert Fox]

[shump92]

Is playing video games REALLY the ONE attribute of your activities that you want to highlight for admissions? I just don't think that can inherently be the smartest decision. Think about it this way, people have directly questioned your topic here and most of us are prospective law students, current law students, or young lawyers. In other words, an audience less likely to automatically judge you for this topic choice. How do you think a group of professionals is going to react? My best guess is that you will always have at least one person who subscribes to the POV that video games reflect immaturity. Even if your writing turns out to be great, I think by the topic choice alone you are already crushing your chances to have the PS help put you over the top. I see no upside to being so risky from the topic choice alone. You have a strong profile otherwise, don't know why you should pick a topic that could realistically undermine your chances.

[Chill_Out]

I understand why WOW was a meaningful part of your life and why you might want to use it as the topic for your personal statement, but YOU REALLY NEED TO FIND ANOTHER TOPIC, UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEVERELY UNDERPERFORM YOUR NUMBERS!!!

Writing about WOW will give you a bad first impression with the ad-coms, given that they are selecting students for a professional graduate program.

I urge you to find another topic. Don't write about a video game. We are willing to help you brainstorm, if necessary.