Personal Statement Critique from a STEM Background Forum

[mpellenberger]

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[Scalvert]

IDK if I'm the best person to critique, as I'm currently writing(and struggling with) my PS. It's obvious that you are very intelligent and write well; however, I got the impression that you want to attend law school to further your education, as opposed to having any real passion for the subject.
(just my personal thought) But it's impressive, nonetheless. I wish I had substantial accomplishments to write about!


(Also typo in the final paragraph: populace instead of populous)

[mpellenberger]

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[Scalvert]

Thanks! Just sent it.

[CanadianWolf]

OP: I've read your law school personal statement three times in an attempt to find some aspect worthy of a compliment. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful.
Your first paragraph is a bit confusing & very boring. The overall writing has very little to offer the reader. Seems like this PS could be condensed into one paragraph.
Your writing lacks clarity & is not concise. In fact, it is somewhat convoluted. Try to write using crisp, clear & concise sentences.
As written, your PS could be titled "Much Ado About Nothing".

[mpellenberger]

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[CanadianWolf]

My understanding of your theme is that you make decisions based on a process learned from your parents & from your education. The impression I get from your essay is that this is a person who doesn't trust his or her own judgment.

[mpellenberger]

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[PoopyPants]

I know it's been a week or so, but I wanted to say that I really enjoyed the first paragraph. I was hoping you'd use it as a jumping off point to something more than a tedious history of how you make decisions. As stated, you sound intelligent, but it reads more like a letter to the editor in Science about the nature of decision making. It's very meta.

You could definitely go somewhere with it. The first paragraph hooked me for sure. I'm not in law school yet, but I majored in math and English, and I have been published several times (scholarly and fiction), so my writing skillz have at times paid the billz (literally).