CRITIQUE MY OPENING PLEASE Forum

[lawschoolgirl312]

When I was one years old, I picked up a pencil during the Zhuazhou ceremony, a traditional Chinese ceremony for a baby’s first baby anniversary. Picking up the pencil meant that I was to be an officer of some sort – a lawyer. When I was three years old, while other girls made their Barbies go shopping, I made my Barbies participate in a trial of the Evil Bear, Mr. Muhnchkin vs. the people. When I was eight years old, I was hooked onto Law & Order. But, if you asked me when I was eight why I wanted to be a lawyer, I would answer back, truthfully and confidently, “I want to be Elle Woods.” Needless to say, though I still want to be Elle Woods - that is no longer the prominent driving force for my passion in law.


Something like this, I whipped it up a few minutes ago and I kind of want to tie that in on how I am the youngest and the smallest of the family, never have been the best but what I lack in talent, I make up in hard work. And through my internships, I realize that that's what I want to do, is help the underdogs through trademark law.

Is this too cliché though?

[john1990]

One year old not years

[barley]

I recommend that you read the TLS guide to personal statements: http://www.top-law-schools.com/guide-to ... ments.html

Somewhere in there (I'm not sure where), it suggests avoiding talking about how five-year-old you wanted to be a lawyer. To paraphrase, you want to build your credibility, and a five year old doesn't have much credibility.

I'd also avoid a pop culture reference like Elle Woods, because a lot of people just aren't going to get it. Imagine a 60 year old woman on the adcomm reading your paper, being confused about the reference, and asking someone else on the committee who it is. They'll tell her that it's a character in Legally Blonde, and the woman will automatically assume you know nothing about law school other than what you saw in a comedy.

[texasellewoods]

As much as I support your Elle Woods dreams... This opening is not so great. Barley is right about adcoms not wanting a childhood dream, and the timeline seems off here. Do 3yos really understand trials? What parent lets their 8yo watch SVU? Even Legally Blonde seems a little adult for 8. It just reads as cheesy and made up.
What you are describing as the body of your PS sounds like it has potential. I would focus on getting that on paper and then writing the opening hook afterwards. I'm sure you can make it great!! Good luck!!

[urbanist11]

Post removed.

[pancakes3]

Personally, I think a lot of the "I'm destined to be a lawyer" type personal statements are terrible - even if true. Just because you watched Law and Order doesn't mean you know what practicing law is, or will be a good lawyer.

For a PS you should talk about any substantive legal experience you've had and how it made you want to attend law school.

If you don't have any, talk about experiences in your life that have fostered broad and positive personality traits like hard working, detail oriented, compassionate, etc. that would be obviously and positively translatable to being a lawyer.

The other stuff is just special snowflake fluff that make eyes roll.