Personal Statement and Diversity Statement Rough Drafts Forum

[badgerboy17]

Hi guys I'm a URM (158,2.7) applying to law school this fall. I know my LSAT is high, relative to my GPA, and am taking it again in October before I start applying. I know my statements are a bit rough/incomplete, just looking for any comments and tips to help better improve my personal/diversity statements and my application as a whole. Thanks!

Personal Statement:

Growing up, I did a lot of moving around. I was born in California, and before moving to Wisconsin, my family and I had been living in Michigan for several years. After I finished the 3rd grade, my family moved to Racine, Wisconsin. Racine was a rather diverse city; although many individuals think of Wisconsin as being a typical midwestern "beer-brat” state, the area that I lived in between Milwaukee and Chicago was very ethnically diverse, particularly because of the large number of immigrants from Central American countries. Growing up in such an environment further broadened my perspective, and gave me an appreciation that I would probably not otherwise have for people of other backgrounds and worldviews.
Upon graduating high school in 2012, I matriculated at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Going to school and living in Madison was entirely different, at least culturally, from Racine, but it still provided me with unique experiences while interacting with the wide variety of students I encountered throughout my academic endeavors. I therefore believe that having found myself in so many different social atmospheres throughout the country has provided me with an outlook on life open to different perspectives, which will be useful as I embark upon studies in law that require one to think critically and examine information from a variety of viewpoints. This is especially true at Wisconsin’s Law School with their “Law-in-Action” approach.
While in Madison, one of the more culturally rewarding experiences that I had was joining the Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity. In my freshman year of college and beyond, I was able to share common life values with guys coming from all sorts of different life backgrounds and places. We all were able to bond with one another, and supported each other through individual academic struggles or other important issues. This opportunity allowed me to meet many different individuals from around the world, and to appreciate the different perspectives that each brought.
Even as a student studying biology I met other people within the major who shared similar interests with me. Attending UW-Madison is one of the best life choices I've made so far based on all that it has done for me. In the classroom and out, I was able to take my studies further than I could have otherwise anywhere else.


Diversity Statement:

I am a 21 year old, Puerto Rican male, at UW-Madison studying biology. I have lived in three different states throughout my childhood, and have interacted and made friends with people from a variety of backgrounds while living in California, Michigan, and Wisconsin. Some of these characteristics may contribute to the diversity of myself; but none of them, in and of themselves, truly benefits diversity. Diversity must be more than the number of pieces on a pie chart or boxes checked on a form. In my experience, for diversity to be valuable, it must be dynamic: a process of actively encouraging the exchange of cultures, beliefs, ideas, and experiences. I believe I can help diversify your upcoming class of 2019 not just because of these aforementioned traits, but because I have learned to engage others of various backgrounds and to mobilize “differences” to further the academic and social education of myself, student peers, and any other people I might come into contact with.
Diversity became more than a catch phrase to me the day I walked into the Engineering department at the University of Wisconsin. I was suddenly the minority: a Puerto Rican male surrounded by other shades of brown, set apart not only by race, but culture. But merely sitting next to Middle Eastern, African, and South American students, alone did not enhance my education (or theirs). It was interacting with those students inside and outside of the classroom that enabled me to grow personally and academically. Discussing Mexican politics with a native gave new depth to my understanding of the nuances of the their national history. Even just relaxing with a student from the United Arab Emirates gave me new insight into Muslim culture that I wouldn’t have otherwise had. I have carried what I learned through these experiences with me throughout my academic career.
Diversity is vitally important to academia because diversity brings a wide and varied range of perspectives to the classroom. A diverse educational community encourages students to search for new ways to solve problems as well as to have the courage to express those solutions. But this only works if the community is actively diverse. It is not enough merely to have different groups passively present; variety is necessary but not sufficient. It is imperative to engage diversity. My experience with and dedication to doing just that will benefit the diversity of the student body at the UW Madison Law School.

[shump92]

I feel like you should have more action verbs throughout both statements. It felt like I was reading a biography instead of getting as clear of a picture of who you are as an applicant. I also feel like these essays should be more focused on specific events within a narrative. For the personal statement, it would probably be better to focus on something more specific from your time at Wisconsin. I don't think your writing is poor, but it felt too generic. Diversity statement seemed a little stronger but it kind of felt like you were name dropping different cultures/countries. Why not pick one closer interaction and go through what that meant for you in greater depth?

My main comment is that you should feel that these essays are something that really explains who you are and why you would be a strong law student. So start with whatever parts of your life are/have been most significant and then relate back to law school on some level. That's my two cents: take it for what you will.

[CanadianWolf]

In my opinion, your diversity statement & PS are too similar.

The final paragraph of your PS is not good. It is a bit confusing & leaves a poor final impression.

Your diversity statement is carelessly written & redundant. You were not "the minority" in a class filled with minorities, for example.

[CanadianWolf]

When redoing your PS & diversity statement, try to offer more substantive insights into your development & into your outlook/world-view/perspective. Both writings are too repetitive & could have been written by anyone because they are too simplistic (I lived here & there & I interacted with people different than I).

[LawsRUs]

I agree with shump and CWolf. I think you can improve your statement by moving it to specific moments or experiences. For instance:

Growing up in such an environment further broadened my perspective, and gave me an appreciation that I would probably not otherwise have for people of other backgrounds and worldviews.

How? In what ways?

Also, generally, if your PS speaks about your contributions to diversity, you don't need to write a separate diversity statement. But do check with each school for individual scholarships that require you to write a separate statement.

The answer to "Why law" needs to be elaborated. Why do you want to go to law school, why do you want to be a lawyer?

I think you can brainstorm for more ideas for your statements from your background in biology and your decision to study biology. You can think about why that perspective is important, and go from there.

In my opinion, your statements have many instances where if you flesh them out more, you can write full and interesting personal and diversity statements. Good luck

[barley]

Growing up, I did a lot of moving around. I was born in California, and before moving to Wisconsin, my family and I had been living lived in Michigan for several years. After I finished the 3rd third grade, my family moved to Racine, Wisconsin. Racine was a rather diverse city; although many individuals think of Wisconsin as being a typical midwestern "beer-brat” state, the area that I lived in between Milwaukee and Chicago was very ethnically diverse, particularly because of the large number of immigrants from Central American countries. Growing up in such an environment further broadened my perspective, and gave me an appreciation that I would probably not otherwise have for people of other backgrounds and worldviews.
Upon graduating high school in 2012, I matriculated at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Going to school and living in Madison was entirely different, at least culturally, from Racine, but it still provided me with unique experiences while interacting with the wide variety of students I encountered throughout my academic endeavors. I therefore believe that having found myself in Experiencing so many different social atmospheres throughout the country has opened me to different perspectives and viewpointsprovided me with an outlook on life open to different perspectives, which will be useful as I embark upon studies in law that require one to think critically and examine information from a variety of viewpoints. This is especially true at Wisconsin’s Law School [is this even the correct name of the school?] with their its [a law school is a singular entity] “Law-in-Action” approach.
While in Madison, one of the more culturally rewarding experiences that I had was joining the Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity. In my freshman year of college and beyond, I was able to share common life values with guys men coming from all sorts of different life backgrounds and places. We all were able to bond with one another, and supported each other through individual academic struggles or other important issues. This opportunity allowed me to meet many different individuals from around the world, and to appreciate the different perspectives that each brought.
Even as a student studying biology, I met other people within the major who shared similar interests with me. Attending UW-Madison is one of the best life choices I've I have made so far based on all that it has done for me In the classroom and out, I was able to take my studies further than I could have otherwise anywhere else. [Add something about how attending this law school would continue the trend.]

To be brutally honest (and I'm not a very brutally honest person!), I think both the content and the writing itself are extremely weak. I made some changes to your first statement that do the absolute minimum to make it grammatically acceptable, but I think you may have to rewrite entire paragraphs if you want it to have any sort of stylistic grace or flow. Are you an English Language Learner? If so (and also if not), I strongly recommend that you work with someone at your school not only to rework your essays, but also to help you improve your basic grammatical and writing skills.

On a more substantive note - as others have said, the two essays are quite repetitive and fairly dull. Instead of writing your personal statement as a biography, I think you might do better answering "Why Law". In terms of both your diversity statement and your personal statement, I think you're not really emphasizing what you, as a URM, can bring to the school in terms of diversity. You tell us that you know how to get along with diverse people, but that's not unique to your background - there are plenty of white people out there who are just as good at working in diverse environments. You should be telling us how you can ADD to that environment, not just that you are comfortable in it.

Hope this doesn't come off as too harsh - I really do want to help! (And let me know if you want me to delete the quote.)