Critique, Am I at least on the right track? Forum

[Anonymous User]

[NL2424]

..

[Kinky John]

No, I think you've really missed the mark.

Take a look at some sample PS's here and online, iirc UChicago has a good page of examples.

[Ron Howard]

http://www.law.uchicago.edu/alumni/maga ... irownwords

[Kinky John]

http://www.law.uchicago.edu/alumni/maga ... irownwords

Yep, that's it, thanks!

[Anonymous User]

I did read those. More helpful critique than just "you missed the mark" please. What is wrong with it. What would fix it?

[Kinky John]

I did read those. More helpful critique than just "you missed the mark" please. What is wrong with it. What would fix it?

Sure. You have an interesting story. You were essentially running your own business in a foreign country you had never been to before.

Leaving aside spelling/grammar errors (there are a lot...) and other confusions (you weren't excited and determined when you stepped off the plane in Sydney for instance - according to your first paragraph, you were confused and disoriented), I would spend more time on what you experienced and how it has factored into your desire to become a lawyer. Discovering through making a pact to go to Ireland "[you] could make the things [you] talked about happen" by aligning your actions with your goals might make plenty of sense to you, but it doesn't much sense to me.

Maybe as an exercise start by choosing one thing you picked up through your experiences - for example, determination - and keeping your statement centered around that theme.

edit: also , the TLS guide is pretty good and most importantly should give you an idea of what admissions wants to see in a PS

[LawsRUs]

I think you need to expand on and explain what your conception is of "international law." I didn't get the sense that your understanding was portrayed successfully if you believed that it existed in the context of your statement. In other words, the connection needs to be more precise.

Good luck