Updated draft, would love fresh feedback! Forum

[NL2424]

..

[Generally]

Post removed.

[shump92]

I think the subject matter itself is very good. Moving on from depression to do well academically shows that you are able to overcome adversity. Though I think the flow and organization could use a good amount of work. The beginning with your depression goes on for several lines but it does not feel very personal. I think the PS should be very specific to your own experiences to be effective. I think the part where you talk about seeing your sister is better on this consideration. Later in the essay, you seem to literally be walking the reader through your resume. I do not think that walking through your years of UG is inherently bad, but I think it would be better to have a very specific narrative. At the end of the essay I also did not get a strong sense of why you want to go to law school/why you are qualified to do well. My basic reading is: student was depressed and struggled a lot in high school, then student was able to overcome depression and did well (thus far) in college, student wants to go to law school. I think it would be better if you really highlighted what personality traits helped you get over depression and do well in UG. Basically, I am saying that this essay should be a well-focused autobiography. What makes you different from other people would be one possible question to answer. Why do you want to go law school is another. Focusing on a specific activity you are very passionate about can be helpful. I'm not saying that your writing is necessarily bad, but the presentation you have in the original post did not seem as unique as I think it should. This is just my personal reading obviously so take that for whatever you care to do.

[Kinky John]

Could you format it so it's readable, please?

[LawsRUs]

I think your statement can be strengthened by making the length shorter. It felt like you were throwing everything in the kitchen sink. At times, it felt like your essay contained too much exposition, which seemed unnecessary because your actions showed it already. You need to push deeper on why you want to be a lawyer and how would you contribute to classroom discussions once in law school.

Good first draft, and nice stats.

[NL2424]

..

[rnoodles]

First off, I'm sorry for your loss. Concerning your question, the subject matter is definitely fine. But I agree with everyone else's comments about length. Absolutely do not exceed two double-spaced pages. If you really cant cut it down to that length with 12PT Times New Roman, you could use Arial Narrow and 11PT (but nothing more because that's both desperate and annoying). Not sure how true this is for others, but for myself I noticed my most successful personal statements were only 2 pages. Anyhow, good luck man and feel free to PM a draft if you ever want an extra read through for edits!

[NL2424]

..

[NL2424]

..