Deleted.
Each draft gets me closer to where I need to be.
Critique my PS? Made changes Forum
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John_Locke
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2015 10:02 pm
Critique my PS? Made changes
Last edited by John_Locke on Sat Mar 07, 2015 6:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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trvr
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2015 1:40 pm
Re: Critique my PS? Made changes
If I were on an adcom I would be confused as to why you want to attend law school. You can improve your writing, speaking, and intellectual horizons without it. You can open your own business without it. Additionally, a lot of the things you talk about highlight skills that might make a great MBA candidate, but not necessarily a great JD candidate.
You could structure the essay a little differently to make it more interesting to read. Starting with the first line of the second paragraph ("I came into a broken position;") would more immediately hook the reader in. You might have to tweak some other things to make this work. After the initial situation is described, you can then fill us in on what's happening.
Take out the E-board paragraphs, or else make them less harsh on your brothers. If you are condescending toward your fraternity brothers, how are you going to be with your future colleagues?
good luck!
You could structure the essay a little differently to make it more interesting to read. Starting with the first line of the second paragraph ("I came into a broken position;") would more immediately hook the reader in. You might have to tweak some other things to make this work. After the initial situation is described, you can then fill us in on what's happening.
Take out the E-board paragraphs, or else make them less harsh on your brothers. If you are condescending toward your fraternity brothers, how are you going to be with your future colleagues?
good luck!
