Personal Statement Draft Forum

[Anonymous User]

Deleted

[bretby]

I think this has a lot of potential. You already know it's too long, and there are plenty of places to cut/condense (social work narrative, esp last 4 or so paragraphs). In addition:
1. Ministry experience - super interesting, but the chronological jump back was a bit confusing. Did you work there before you worked at the bank? Why'd you leave? Or was it a volunteer position that you held in addition to your job? 10 years at the church is a long time, shows real commitment, and I'm sure was very enriching.
2. I'd cut the detuals about your work at School if Socisl Work and try to incorporate something from your ministry experience - more personal, more meaningful.
3. What is the overarching theme? Seems like it could be: I've always been a committed public servant - church, social work, etc., and I have come to see that PI is where I could make the best contribution to my community.
Overall, though, I really liked the message and found it interesting,

[maize315]

Thanks for the feedback.

It has been difficult to condense. I am suffering like many who try to tell the whole story.

Nonetheless, the ministry is something I did before, during, and after school. In fact, I still travel occasionally and speak. The only reason I left was to attend undergraduate and graduate school. While I did receive some compensation, for the most part, I performed duties on a volunteer basis.

Finally, you pretty much nailed the overarching theme. Basically, I have been on the front-lines of social justice in my local community and have come to the realization that there is only so much you can do on a local level. I am looking to bring about change on a national level, hopefully, through impact litigation.

[Anonymous User]

Deleted.