Mods, please delete! Forum

[Ms4life]

Deleted. Thanks for the help!

[bretby]

This is really inspiring. One very tiny style edit, and one question.

First, the question: You say that your aunt was unprepared to care for you, but never offer any details. As it stands, this sentence raises more questions than it answers, so perhaps it could come out.
Second: "This did not bother me, however, but for my brother, it was the complete opposite." This is a bit awkward. Maybe something like: "While I adjusted quickly to our new situation, my brother struggled."

Overall, though, I really enjoyed your piece.

[cavalier2015]

i liked the piece but i am concerned that I didn't learn a whole lot ABOUT you. i learned about where you come from but not much about HOW this has impacted/changed you.

[Ms4life]

i liked the piece but i am concerned that I didn't learn a whole lot ABOUT you. i learned about where you come from but not much about HOW this has impacted/changed you.

Thank you for your feedback! I am still making revisions and will do so with this in mind.

This is really inspiring. One very tiny style edit, and one question.

First, the question: You say that your aunt was unprepared to care for you, but never offer any details. As it stands, this sentence raises more questions than it answers, so perhaps it could come out.
Second: "This did not bother me, however, but for my brother, it was the complete opposite." This is a bit awkward. Maybe something like: "While I adjusted quickly to our new situation, my brother struggled."

Overall, though, I really enjoyed your piece.

Thanks for your critique! The only reason I didn't expand more on my aunt's circumstances are because I'd be going over the 2-page limit. Also, thanks for the rephrase. I agree it is a bit awkward and will consider your suggestion in my revision!