Criticism Needed!! Please Help :)!! Forum

[namol]

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[Wingtip88]

I'm guessing that English isn't your first language, because while the ideas here are okay, the way it's written is often very confusing. I'd almost suggest running the whole thing by an editor. Parts of it are incomprehensible.

When I read this sentence - "To this end, I wish to be their advocate and face the PG&Es of the world. I may be pursuing lofty ideals but I do not harbor naivety. I am aware from my internship experience that chairmen charged for embezzlement will still be able to collect eight-figure dividends behind the bars" - I had, and have, no idea whatsoever what "PG&E" meant, no idea who the "chairmen" were or are, or why they are racking up multi million dollar incomes "behind the bars."

"When it comes to law, nothing stands above it and it does not keep silent to the ordeals of the troubled." Laws don't speak for themselves. That's why we have lawyers.

"When their opponents speak law with such fact in mind, even Goliaths cannot but budge." This is almost nonsensical.

[namol]

I'm guessing that English isn't your first language, because while the ideas here are okay, the way it's written is often very confusing. I'd almost suggest running the whole thing by an editor. Parts of it are incomprehensible.

When I read this sentence - "To this end, I wish to be their advocate and face the PG&Es of the world. I may be pursuing lofty ideals but I do not harbor naivety. I am aware from my internship experience that chairmen charged for embezzlement will still be able to collect eight-figure dividends behind the bars" - I had, and have, no idea whatsoever what "PG&E" meant, no idea who the "chairmen" were or are, or why they are racking up multi million dollar incomes "behind the bars."

"When it comes to law, nothing stands above it and it does not keep silent to the ordeals of the troubled." Laws don't speak for themselves. That's why we have lawyers.

"When their opponents speak law with such fact in mind, even Goliaths cannot but budge." This is almost nonsensical.

Thanks for the input! I tried to simplify things a little but I guess I have to do some more. I totally agree with what you have to say regarding the last two comment. The chairman thing is really not understandable even to me but I guess that is how things go in my country. CEO and chairman can actually be the same person here so they aren't punished so often and even when they do, it is nothing more than a slight tap in the head. I wanted to put that in because it really didn't make sense to me during my internship either but I thought talking to much about it would make things too long. Do you think I should get rid of it altogether? Thank you!!