Very rough draft, am I on track here? Forum

[tor3llen6]

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[tor3llen6]

I can also see now after posting this that it is WAY too long. What can go?

[Gefuehlsecht]

You are not telling me why you want to be a lawyer. At first, you claim that it was because of what you saw on TV. Then, you realized that reality is different than what is shown on TV. Even after this realization, you claim that you still want to be an attorney. Why is that?
Furthermore, are you really claiming that you have an immigration attorney on your case who failed to see the loophole to keep you in the country and that it was ultimately your research and your effort that showed this attorney how to make this happen for you? Really? While that might be true, I find that hard to believe.
Finally, and maybe this is a personal pet peeve of mine, but I really have a problem with statements where prospective students act like know-it-alls before they even have set foot into the building for the first time.

[tor3llen6]

You are not telling me why you want to be a lawyer. At first, you claim that it was because of what you saw on TV. Then, you realized that reality is different than what is shown on TV. Even after this realization, you claim that you still want to be an attorney. Why is that?
Furthermore, are you really claiming that you have an immigration attorney on your case who failed to see the loophole to keep you in the country and that it was ultimately your research and your effort that showed this attorney how to make this happen for you? Really? While that might be true, I find that hard to believe.
Finally, and maybe this is a personal pet peeve of mine, but I really have a problem with statements where prospective students act like know-it-alls before they even have set foot into the building for the first time.

Thank you for your input. Believe it or not that was the case but you're right in that I didn't explain the circumstances that led her to be unable to see that as a valid route for me to take to stay here. Will either explain further or omit altogether. My reasoning to want to go to law school could certainly be beefed up more and I will try to add what it was that I liked about working in the firm as opposed to how it was different from my initial perceptions.

[Gefuehlsecht]

It might have been the case, certainly. But you need to keep in mind what kind of effect a claim like that might have on the person reading your statement. I'd be careful with these claims in a personal statement. So edit it and repost once you're done, if you like. Good luck.

[WhiskeyAndCupcakes]

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[tor3llen6]

While there are vague themes of being uprooted, immigration, and of your opinion of the law, this largely feels like an autobiography. Is there any way you could focus on something more directly and develop it to show more about who you are?

In terms of more direct feedback, here are a couple things that don't teach me about who YOU are:

-- Describing your mother's spirituality isn't super relevant
-- I think, in general, describing your childhood opinions about moving and/or lawyering isn't quite as compelling as focusing on something significant that happened in your life as an adult (there are, of course, exceptions to this)

There are some pretty clear errors (e.g., "shortly after law school") as well as some grammatical errors, run-on sentences, etc. I understand this is a rough draft and am confident you'll proofread carefully before submitting.

I think it is clear that you are very interested in attending law school. I would keep brainstorming topics. Or, if you really want to center it around working with a lawyer to advocate for yourself and your mother, I'd agree with Gefuehlsecht and be careful not to sound like you knew more than the lawyer. I'd also keep playing with how you'd like to structure it.

I agree that the first paragraph outlining my Moms beliefs aren't super relevant and is too lengthy. I was thinking about combining the first and second to create the theme being uprooted and cut down heavily on the autobiographical elements. I guess I could focus more on working at the law firm and what I enjoyed about it I just feel like that isn't particularly interesting, certainly not enough to write an entire personal statement about.

However I did have some interesting mishaps that occurred at the law firm that I could write about and instead meld that in with my ideas about being a lawyer vs. what it really means and what specifically about it I really enjoyed. Hm.

It's a shame I have very little interest in becoming an immigration attorney. My experiences would then be at least relate able. Ha.

[WhiskeyAndCupcakes]

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[tor3llen6]

I've decided to scrap the other personal statement and focus it entirely on the experience of working in a Law firm. While the prompt for PS' for John Marshall IS vague, I feel already that this route is much more focused and less "fluffy."

My GPA was a 3.6 from Northern Illinois University and and LSAT was a 152 :/. I am applying to other Chicago Schools and MSU however the deadline for the spring semester at JMLS is up at the end of the week and I'm just trying to see what my options are. Any thoughts?

I will post my new Personal Statement rough draft tomorrow.

[tor3llen6]

NVM, ended up staying up writing the newer one. Obviously very rough and in need of editing but does this seem to be a stronger theme altogether?

“An inmate at the Ogle County Jail is trying to reach you. Please remain on the line.” I sighed impatiently as the phone proceeded to beep noisily in my ear a series of tones and finally the call went through. Without waiting for my greeting a stream speech came through the line until I interrupted, “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to slow down and speak up.” The phone they had dredged up from the chaotic little supply closet had a nasty habit of buzzing noisily in my ear and cutting out. “I want to speak to Mr. ____,” the voice indignantly expressed. I paused for a moment weighing my options. The Attorney I worked for had no easy way to call into the jail to again establish contact with this client, but I was unnerved by the idea of interrupting what was probably another heated meeting with a divorce client. “Can I ask what this is regarding?” A rookie mistake, as I had only spurned an onslaught of insults and call history of how many times the client had tried contacting my employer with little avail. I apologized on behalf of Mr. Tess and assured that he was scheduled to be at the jail the next morning. The caller gracelessly hung up before I could apologize once more.

I wanted to go to law school before I knew what being a lawyer really meant. After a lifetime of exposure to the made-for-TV depiction of a legal career, I sensed that an outspoken student like myself with a keen interest in debate could only pursue a career in law. I pursued a educational path of a typical Pre-Law student of Political Science and Sociology and dubiously selected the obviously classes like “Criminal Justice,” and “Judicial Politics.” These studies helped me gain an understanding of the United States legal system as a whole, but it wasn’t until I started my internship that I really knew what the day to day life as an Attorney entailed.

When I had interviewed for an internship at the small law firm of _______, Mr. ___ was somewhat incredulous of my offer to work for free. I tried explaining to him once more that I would work for free for roughly ten hours a week in exchange for college credit and experience. HIs counter offer was that he would pay me but I would work when he needed me to. Jumping at the idea of compensation, I quickly agreed. It was a small law firm in what was a very small town. The county was so small that instead of a centralized public defender office, many assigned private attorneys would take on a caseload of public defender clients. These calls from the jail would become a regular part of my routine. While I expected this internship to be very basic filing and administrative support type tasks, the unexpected medical leave of another assistant required that I was there about thirty hours a week my senior year of university.

What made me so grateful for this internship was the fact that it was in a small town. Like my naetivity to the daily tasks of being an Attorney I was also unclear (and still am) about what type of law precisely I wanted to pursue. Being that there probably wasn’t enough people even in the town of Rochelle to require more focused law firms, I got to experience a variety of family, criminal, personal injury and real estate law cases. My superiors were exceedingly patient with me and my constant “why’s.” Instead of simple directions to complete tasks they often took the time to explain what the Motion I was writing was accomplishing. While they were in court often, it wasn’t the court that I expected.

This internship shook my perceptions of what being a lawyer looked like in the best way possible. Not to say that some days weren’t trying or even completely frustrating. A lot of the cases I dealt with had real and personal consequences that sparked highly emotional responses from clients. The phone calls from the jail shed light on the glum aspects and reality of practicing law. Oftentimes a younger female attorney who dealt most closely with the public defender cases would come back from court completely exhausted and annoyed. If anything, this internship heightened my interest in criminal law even though I was really only seeing how backed up and futile the criminal court system was in many ways. And yet no matter how many days I would leave work frustrated and tired I knew that this is the career I needed to pursue. While even now I don’t know what area of law appeals to me the most, I can say with certainty that law school is the next step for me to get closer to the career that so fascinates and challenges me.

[Gefuehlsecht]

For starters, I'd take out the name of the law firm. Here's my problem. You fairly clearly describe that you realized that everyday lawyer life is not glorious at all. Keen observation. But you still want to practice law. Ok! Why? You claim that this is the career you need to pursue. But why? That should be the meat and potatoes of your statement.
Also, I am not a fan of the narrative. It's a waste of space, space you could fill with insights about yourself instead. Spare me the attempt at creative writing, that's not what this should be about. Tell me why you want to be a lawyer and why you would make a good addition to the class.

[tor3llen6]

Is it at least better than the prior narrative? I I cut down some of the story and add what you are talking about I feel like this at least has a much better logical flow.

[tor3llen6]

Also are they any essays you could link me to that better achieve what you are describing? I just don't know how to fill two pages about myself when my educational experience was fairly standard?

Should I elaborate on having to pick up I many extra hours at the firm while playing a sport and still maintaining good grades?

[WhiskeyAndCupcakes]

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