Trying to decide between two different DS's. PLEASE HELP! Forum

[Anonymous User]

So I have been working on two different types of Diversity Statements, but I can't decide which avenue to follow. I know some people firmly believe in the "share an experience" type, and others use broad strokes, but I don't know which one is more effective. Please read through them and provide me with your thoughts, and especially which one you think would fare better! Anything helps! And if you hate them both, that is ok too.

Option 1

I have always easily identified myself as diverse because of my Pakistani heritage; but it has taken me a while to understand that my diversity stems from much more than having an ancestry different than my peers. My upbringing, my education, and my beliefs have crafted me into a unique individual over the past 22 years, and my successive experiences have continued to diversify me.

Being raised a Muslim in the 21st century has had its own unique set of obstacles, and being raised a Muslim in Texas has been even more… interesting. After being labeled as a terrorist by my fourth grade class and being ashamed of my name and heritage for so many years, I adapted by conforming myself into an individual that wouldn’t fit the racist stereotypes. Although some may view my decision to assimilate with a judgmental eye, I have surprisingly never regretted my decision. Conforming helped me realize the difficulties that come with suppressing your identity, taught me to stand up for my beliefs, and made me more respectful of people who are unabashedly proud of their individuality.

My college experiences, each helping me learn to accept my differences, have varied from speaking on a panel about my thoughts on being a Muslim at one of the most pervasively Baptist universities in the nation, to being the 21-year-old, single student in a graduate cohort where my peers are all 25 and married, and spending three years on the executive board within my national and historically all-white fraternity. These experiences have cultured me into an individual who loves country music and dove hunting, rock-climbing and race cars, political biographies, and even occasionally, watching Bollywood movies. Additionally, while contributing to my varied tastes, these same experiences have enabled me to be confident in meeting and working with new people and have helped me learn to find common ground amongst even the most unlikely acquaintances.

Understanding the sorrow that accompanies not fitting in has matured me into an individual that values differences and has made me more accepting, and willing to learn from others. As I begin law school, one of the most appealing prospects is my opportunity to meet and learn from an entirely new group of people, raised with experiences much different than mine. Working with diverse peers will require me to challenge my beliefs and defend my opinions, consequentially helping me solidify my individuality and become a better attorney. I am assured that in becoming an addition to XXXXXXX Law’s newest class, I will be able to contribute to the diversity of my peers, and continue to diversify myself by interactions with my multifarious classmates.

Option 2

Sitting on the stage of ____ Hall, and looking out at the dimly lit faces of three-hundred intelligent and willful high school seniors amplified my panic as my mind raced through strategies of answering the question on the screen. “How have you grown in your faith while being a student at ____?” The question was only visible on the stage from my vantage point in the corner chair, and knowing that I was the next panelist to respond left it upon me to elaborate an answer to a question that I have always had trouble responding to. Although not a difficult question, my struggle with my faith at _____ is unique to the common obstacles that my classmates go through when seeking God, because, you see, I am a Muslim… at the largest Baptist institution in the nation.

“When you’re going through something hard and you start to wonder where Allah is, just remember, the teacher is always quiet during a test.” That’s how I started my response. The quote, which I had come across my junior year, had been the cornerstone to my growth as a Muslim at _____. I explained to my audience the disdain that I had held for my religion when I began college. I described my past viewpoint that Islam had caused me to be labeled as a “terrorist” from the fourth grade and I shared my narrative about being a student who could not fathom trusting in an intangible belief system. But most importantly, I spoke to the audience about how it was the passion for Christianity that was visible in my peers that urged me to pursue growth in Islam.

Truthfully, the strength of my faith, as I explained, was due to the experiences that I had interacting with the firm Christians at my school, more than it is was the Sunday school classes at the local mosque in seventh grade. It was the students in Life Group and my peers who attended church every Sunday that made me realize the power of religion, and encouraged me to seek out meaning from a faith that I had brushed aside. My conversations comparing belief systems and working through scripture made me recognize the complexities and trials that every individual, regardless of religion, must overcome; it was these same conversations that gave me assurance that I had succeeded in overcoming of the first real “tests” that God had given me.

I finished speaking on stage, unsure of the reaction it would illicit. The audience’s facial expressions had been imperceivable, and I was too nervous to look at my fellow panelists. “Well thanks ________,” I heard the moderator say. “Now we can tell anyone who thinks that _______ is a school full of raging Baptists that they are outta their mind!” There were collective chuckles, dispersed applause, and on my end, a sigh of relief. As I left ____ Hall that afternoon, I couldn’t help but imagine that I had just overcome another test of faith.

[cheesy145]

I like the second one a lot better! Its very well written. Where the first one comes off negative and shameful of your religion the second one broadcasts how you've overcome an obstacle and learned the embrace your religion. Also the first one doesn't flow like a diversity statement because you talk about conforming instead of being diverse. Second one is really great!

[Tuxedo]

Option 2. The first begins with a strange statement--"I am diverse!"--when the real argument you're seeking to make in these kinds of writings that you both provide and appreciate diversity. That's much clearer in the second essay.