PS Critique-- happy to take a look at yours too! Forum

[Anonymous User]

I'm in desperate need of some feedback on my draft personal statement (below)-- feel free to be brutally honest. I'm happy to take a look at yours in return!

I was 18, home from college on fall break, when I agreed to be deposed by my mother's attorney. The topic of discussion was my stepfather—an abuser— and I couldn't wait to speak. For 5 years, there had been no one to listen, and suddenly, for the first time, it mattered very much what I had to say.

So I talked. I told the lawyer about how I had grown up in a home where the minor offense of leaving one's shoes in the wrong place could incite a rage that lasted for days on end, about how I had begged and pleaded with my mother for years to make it stop. I told him about the day I found methamphetamine crystals my stepfather had hidden at the top of my little brother's closet, and about the excruciating pain of watching my younger brothers' fragile self-esteem be chipped away with every put-down. As I spoke, I could almost feel my stepfather's breath, hot on the back of my neck, as he chased me up the stairs to my room, screaming curses so vile and so loud that my ears rang. I remembered feeling trapped, totally powerless against the forces that controlled my life and the lives of those I loved. I felt livid, but impotent.

When the interview came to a close, I shook the attorney's hand. He was confident that we had a great case, and I remember feeling grateful to have someone so skilled and knowledgeable on our side. That feeling only grew the day when, a few weeks later, I sat in a courtroom and watched my stepfather take the stand, spinning remarkably believable lies with the straight face of an experienced con. A fury rose within me so intensely that I found it difficult not to stand up and shout the truth— so much was at stake. But then, our lawyer spoke. He set the record straight, and the judge ruled in our favor. We were granted a permanent restraining order, and my stepfather was denied custody of my sister.

Coming from a long line of lawyers, I had always dismissed the possibility of following in my elders' footsteps. I longed for a career that would allow me to make a difference in the world, and I simply didn't see that in my father's corporate work. Something changed, though, the day it was my family in court. I suddenly understood that being a lawyer wasn’t just about wearing a suit and racking up billable hours. I had been missing the point: being a lawyer meant possessing a knowledge and understanding of a complex, confusing legal system, and using that understanding to advocate for clients in need, like my mom. To me, that knowledge represented a power more transcendent than status or money— it meant the ability to improve people's lives, a means of rectifying the powerlessness I had felt throughout my life, to channel my frustration and transform impotence into positive momentum. I felt electrified.

Since that day, my repertoire of experiences with the legal world has expanded considerably— I am now in my third year at [firm], and my excitement has only grown. I am proud to have earned a role helping to coordinate our pro bono program, where I feel ownership in the positive impact we have on our community. Most of our clients, like me, come from a place of powerlessness, whether as a result of encounters with domestic abusers, intolerant communities abroad, unfair landlords, or confusing administrative systems, and for me, the work is personal. I feel satisfaction each time I am able to contribute to a victory that affects someone the way my family was affected when we won our case, and I can't wait to participate in that process more directly as a lawyer. My stepfather may be responsible for the pain I experienced as a teenager, but I am responsible for what I do with it— I can feel sorry for myself, or I can use my experience as motivation to accomplish something positive. In pursuing a legal career, I am choosing the latter, and that, I believe, is the greatest justice.

[earthabides]

That was great.

[Skool]

Yeah, it was very good.