Could I please get some feedback on my diversity statement, included below?
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I used to envy those who could fit neatly into their specific boxes--those who were able to satisfy society’s normative assumptions of them. They did not stand out, they did not have to conceal themselves, they did not provoke awkward questions. Reconciling the various facets of one’s being has not been an easy task, though it has definitely provided insight into the challenges that others face.
Growing up half-Persian (the other half, a blend European ancestry) was hardly difficult in Southern California. My father and my non-Iranian mother, provided a knowledge of the traditions and values of our rich, several-thousand year-old culture to me and my brothers. While I always felt this connection to my heritage, I was routinely met with skepticism or surprise when I spoke Farsi to an unsuspecting Iranian at a restaurant or market. The ties to my culture, however, were nearly severed as I approached my teenage years.
Coming to terms with one’s sexual orientation is never a trivial accomplishment. So, recognizing my sexual orientation in an extremely traditional and conservative culture, I thought would be impossible. Early on, I believed that the two elements of my being (my culture and my orientation) had to be divorced--that one cannot live as members of both groups. However, as I matured I began to notice flaws within each community.
One would normally assume that members of a historically socially-marginalized group would be incapable of committing the same injustices that had preceded them. It is therefore surprising when members of the LGBT community characterize me as “exotic”, ask “what country I’m from”, or caustically mistake my last name for a culturally stereotyped word. Meanwhile, within the Iranian-American community, I am not as free to be who I am. Will they judge me? Can I bring my boyfriend? Can I hold his hand? These are familiar questions I must consider when interacting with my family or groups of Persian people.
Rather than facing these events with antipathy, I embrace them. I view them as part of my unique personal narrative. By recognizing the faults in those around me, I am better equipped to recognize the faults in myself, and can thus strive to be an ever better person. These faults stress the importance of respecting the struggles experienced by others, and withholding judgement until they have been considered.
In addition, these situations have imparted on me a sense of what other members of our society may face. The bigotry I have experienced, however minute, I concede, afforded me a glimpse into the lives of others. Understanding other forms of prejudice and bigotry permits empathy, and empathy can contribute to forming logical, reasoned ideas. I do not consider what I have encountered misfortunate. Rather, I value what it has taught me about others.
Diversity Statement Critique Forum
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Skool
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- Joined: Mon Dec 23, 2013 3:26 pm
Re: Diversity Statement Critique
I think this is well written, thoughtful but ultimately very very vanilla. I'm sure you'd be a thoughtful and interesting member of a diverse student body, but I don't think anything in this really makes you stand out from other LGBTQ candidates or ethnically diverse folks.
Why do you concede the bigotry as minute? If it impacted you, and is significant enough to write about, it seems to have some significance. Don't oversell it, but why downplay it? Why comment on the scale of the bigotry as oppose just letting it speak for itself? Similarly, you talk about how it wasn't hard to be half Persian in SoCal. Then you write the rest about he challenges you faced reconciling a part of your identity with another part of your identity, which seems like a challenge and a contradiction.
Also, you ask some rhetorical questions ("can I hold his hand, can I bring my boyfriend?"), those can just as equally be asked by heterosexuals dating in a conservative cultural. Maybe there are other questions that better communicate your anxieties re sexuality v. Culture. Drawing clearer distinctions here might also better help a reader see the stakes.
Still, even changes mentioned above probably won't add much pop to your perfectly acceptable essay.
Why do you concede the bigotry as minute? If it impacted you, and is significant enough to write about, it seems to have some significance. Don't oversell it, but why downplay it? Why comment on the scale of the bigotry as oppose just letting it speak for itself? Similarly, you talk about how it wasn't hard to be half Persian in SoCal. Then you write the rest about he challenges you faced reconciling a part of your identity with another part of your identity, which seems like a challenge and a contradiction.
Also, you ask some rhetorical questions ("can I hold his hand, can I bring my boyfriend?"), those can just as equally be asked by heterosexuals dating in a conservative cultural. Maybe there are other questions that better communicate your anxieties re sexuality v. Culture. Drawing clearer distinctions here might also better help a reader see the stakes.
Still, even changes mentioned above probably won't add much pop to your perfectly acceptable essay.
