Drunk Driving Personal Statement Forum

[kwabbs]

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[ikethegremlin]

I don't think it's particularly badly written, though it could be a lot tighter and less cliched, but the premise as a whole is flawed.

Do you actually want to go to Law School just to save others from drunk drivers? Because it seems like you could do that a whole lot more effectively and cheaply through other means. It feels a little like some rather post hoc answer to the question 'why law school?' which is not the question the personal statement asks you to consider.

I don't learn anything about you in this other than that you seem to think an obsession with one type of crime over all others would make you a good candidate for a position as a prosecutor, and that you need a constant flow of deaths around you to keep your mind set on law vs. planning weddings.

Okay, maybe that's unnecessarily flippant, but do you get my point? Nothing in this persuades me that you are well prepared for law school or likely to succeed once there, and those are things that a good personal statement ought to do.

[kevgogators]

I don't think it's particularly badly written, though it could be a lot tighter and less cliched, but the premise as a whole is flawed.

Do you actually want to go to Law School just to save others from drunk drivers? Because it seems like you could do that a whole lot more effectively and cheaply through other means. It feels a little like some rather post hoc answer to the question 'why law school?' which is not the question the personal statement asks you to consider.

I don't learn anything about you in this other than that you seem to think an obsession with one type of crime over all others would make you a good candidate for a position as a prosecutor, and that you need a constant flow of deaths around you to keep your mind set on law vs. planning weddings.

Okay, maybe that's unnecessarily flippant, but do you get my point? Nothing in this persuades me that you are well prepared for law school or likely to succeed once there, and those are things that a good personal statement ought to do.

[McAvoy]

Yeah I hated pretty much everything about this PS, OP. I could get into specifics but I think it's beyond saving, as the poster above me mentioned.

If this is truly why you want to attend law school, you're making a horrible choice. Try to work for an anti-drunk driving advocacy organization or something. If your life's goal is really to "help others get the opportunity to choose a baby name or choose a career path," it doesn't make very much sense that you'd choose a profession where your job is, at root, likely going to be focused on putting people in prison.

[Tanicius]

It paints a picture of you as a one-dimensional nancy grace. I'm not sure this is a picture you want others to have of you. I think talking about wanting to be a prosecutor is fine (I wrote mine from the perspective of wanting to become a public defender), but you should try to express some more nuance in your mentality. It's not credible to act like being a prosecutor is all about saving lives and putting people who are all guilty guilty guilty. All that really tells the adcomm is that don't know much about real prosecution work and have this anger-fueled fantasy in your head.

[arklaw13]

You really do sound like nancy grace, and everyone of sound mind hates nancy grace.

[kwabbs]

I don't know who nancy grace is besides the fact that she's some stupid tv judge correct?

It's not just above drunk driving.. I just feel like the whole justice system as a whole is screwed. People are doing time for smoking weed while others are getting just probation from killing someone.. In reality, that's why I want to go to law school. But I obviously can't say that in a PS..

[arklaw13]

I don't know who Nancy Grace is besides the fact that she's some stupid tv judge correct?

It's not just above drunk driving.. I just feel like the whole justice system as a whole is screwed. People are doing time for smoking weed while others are getting just probation from killing someone.. In reality, that's why I want to go to law school. But I obviously can't say that in a PS..

focusing on disparities like this could work if you developed it. Literally anything would be better than what you have.

On second thought, just pick something else entirely. Your PS doesn't have to say that much about why you want to go to law school. It's more about you. You probably won't end up going into criminal law if you go to a decent law school anyway.

[McAvoy]

I don't know who Nancy Grace is besides the fact that she's some stupid tv judge correct?

It's not just above drunk driving.. I just feel like the whole justice system as a whole is screwed. People are doing time for smoking weed while others are getting just probation from killing someone.. In reality, that's why I want to go to law school. But I obviously can't say that in a PS..

Why? those are the kind of things you actually need to be saying.

nancy grace is a CNN anchor who really cares about the babies.

[iShotFirst]

Just an FYI for the prosecution career: its unlikely that a large office will let you prosecute DUIs with this mind set. Large office distinction because a smaller office wont have any choice. Speak from personal experience (not myself but my colleague).

[ikethegremlin]

I don't know who Nancy Grace is besides the fact that she's some stupid tv judge correct?

It's not just above drunk driving.. I just feel like the whole justice system as a whole is screwed. People are doing time for smoking weed while others are getting just probation from killing someone.. In reality, that's why I want to go to law school. But I obviously can't say that in a PS..

You're right that a desire to fix the justice system, while admirable, is probably too unwieldy and broad of a topic for a personal statement. It also gives off an impression of naïveté, and so I'd advise you leave that alone.

However, you've revealed something interesting: "In reality,that's why I want to go to law school. But I obviously can't say that in a PS.."

You HAVE to be honest in a personal statement. Adcomms read thousands of these things - do you think they can't smell inauthenticity a mile off? The only thing that will set your personal statement apart is if your real self shines through, and that real self is compelling and interesting. None of this will likely matter all that much unless you have the right numbers anyway, but I recommend that before you write another attempt you think long and hard about what it actually is about law school that appeals to you.

For example, for myself a huge part of it is the amount of enjoyment I get out of being surrounded by and learning from people smarter than myself - if you've ever watched The West Wing, then the Toby Zieglers of the world.

Think of all those things that you're looking forward to about going to law school until you're excited and bursting to tell someone why you're at this place in your life, and then write with that in mind. Don't try to sell a different person that yourself, just sell the best version of yourself.

[kwabbs]

I don't know who Nancy Grace is besides the fact that she's some stupid tv judge correct?

It's not just above drunk driving.. I just feel like the whole justice system as a whole is screwed. People are doing time for smoking weed while others are getting just probation from killing someone.. In reality, that's why I want to go to law school. But I obviously can't say that in a PS..

You're right that a desire to fix the justice system, while admirable, is probably too unwieldy and broad of a topic for a personal statement. It also gives off an impression of naïveté, and so I'd advise you leave that alone.

However, you've revealed something interesting: "In reality,that's why I want to go to law school. But I obviously can't say that in a PS.."

You HAVE to be honest in a personal statement. Adcomms read thousands of these things - do you think they can't smell inauthenticity a mile off? The only thing that will set your personal statement apart is if your real self shines through, and that real self is compelling and interesting. None of this will likely matter all that much unless you have the right numbers anyway, but I recommend that before you write another attempt you think long and hard about what it actually is about law school that appeals to you.

For example, for myself a huge part of it is the amount of enjoyment I get out of being surrounded by and learning from people smarter than myself - if you've ever watched The West Wing, then the Toby Zieglers of the world.

Think of all those things that you're looking forward to about going to law school until you're excited and bursting to tell someone why you're at this place in your life, and then write with that in mind. Don't try to sell a different person that yourself, just sell the best version of yourself.

Thank you.. some good sound advice. I'll definitely use it for my next attempt.. hopefully will turn out better than this.

[patogordo]

rewrite and focus on a particular legal issue, like requiring interlock for nfl players

[FutureSuperLawyer]

I would not worry too much about your personal statement. Good law schools (there are 14 of them) are concerned with your GPA, LSAT and skin color. Most other law schools are concerned about whether you can get gov't loans that will pay tuition.

As for the admissions officers, they are not that bright and they don't work that hard (unless some newspaper is spending a day in the admissions office writing a piece about getting into their school). But even they may be able to detect issues with your statement. You say a drunk driving fatality in high school made you "focused and determined to become a lawyer someday." But it seemed you were not that determined. Your vision "slightly faltered" not for a semester or even a year but for your "first years of college, where [you] pictured a life of planning weddings ..." Given that college is generally a four year program, it sounds like you lost interest in law school for a least half of your college career and, far more importantly, got lousy grades.

You haven't said anything about your LSATs. I'm guessing you are not good at standardized tests which, of course, are meaningless anyway.

Good news, if you eligible for gov't loans there are 150 law schools that would love to have you. That won't include any of the ones that would enable you to get a job as a prosecuter these days, unless you are in at the top of your class. But I'm sure you'll bring the same focus and determination to law school you did to college. And if something else doesn't distract you while you're in law school (no way that will happen, college was an aberration) you'll be at the top of your class and soon be a successful prosecuter.

In case you are having trouble finding law schools that will admit you, let me suggest a few that would be perfect for you (assuming you can gov't loans). They all profess a strong commitment to training people to work in public service.
New England School of Law
New York Law School
Brooklyn Law School
Washington School of Law at American University (a little harder to get into but i know you can do it)
The places above are in cool cities. Here are a few schools you can get into that are not in cool cities:
Widener Law School
Dickinson School of Law

Good Luck. We really need someone to bring drunk drivers to justice. No one is doing that now.

[McAvoy]

I hope that was flame. ETA the edit makes that clear, carry on.

[kwabbs]

I would not worry too much about your personal statement. Good law schools (there are 14 of them) are concerned with your GPA, LSAT and skin color. Most other law schools are concerned about whether you can get gov't loans that will pay tuition.

As for the admissions officers, they are not that bright and they don't work that hard (unless some newspaper is spending a day in the admissions office writing a piece about getting into their school). But even they may be able to detect issues with your statement. You say a drunk driving fatality in high school made you "focused and determined to become a lawyer someday." But it seemed you were not that determined. Your vision "slightly faltered" not for a semester or even a year but for your "first years of college, where [you] pictured a life of planning weddings ..." Given that college is generally a four year program, it sounds like you lost interest in law school for a least half of your college career and, far more importantly, got lousy grades.

You haven't said anything about your LSATs. I'm guessing you are not good at standardized tests which, of course, are meaningless anyway.

Good news, if you eligible for gov't loans there are 150 law schools that would love to have you. That won't include any of the ones that would enable you to get a job as a prosecuter these days, unless you are in at the top of your class. But I'm sure you'll bring the same focus and determination to law school you did to college. And if something else doesn't distract you while you're in law school (no way that will happen, college was an aberration) you'll be at the top of your class and soon be a successful prosecuter.

In case you are having trouble finding law schools that will admit you, let me suggest a few that would be perfect for you (assuming you can gov't loans). They all profess a strong commitment to training people to work in public service.
New England School of Law
New York Law School
Brooklyn Law School
Washington School of Law at American University (a little harder to get into but i know you can do it)
The places above are in cool cities. Here are a few schools you can get into that are not in cool cities:
Widener Law School
Dickinson School of Law

Good Luck. We really need someone to bring drunk drivers to justice. No one is doing that now.

My gpa isn't that bad. 3.6 which could of been higher if it weren't for my 2.9 my first quarter of college when i was diagnosed with a bad stomach condition. Maybe a 3.6 is "lousy" to some people but I am perfectly fine with it. I just recently took the lsat in Sept, so there's not much to discuss with that since I don't know my scores.. PT highest score was a 167. I threw the weddings statement in there because I switched from business to hospitality and felt like I need to clarify why I was a hospitality major.. I decided after a semester of the program that I wanted to go to law school but at the same time didn't want to change my major again and end up do 5+ years of undergrad. I busted my ass taking 19 units each semester to finish in time (4 years) so I didn't want to switch again.. Should I not mention my hospitality major? I just don't want them questioning why law school if I was an event planning major..

[McAvoy]

I mean this in the most non-douchey way, as I'm sincerely curious: in what way do hospitality majors bust their ass? Like what does the coursework involve?

[kwabbs]

I mean this in the most non-douchey way, as I'm sincerely curious: in what way do hospitality majors bust their ass? Like what does the coursework involve?

Every school varies as far as their hospitality program goes.. Mine was very business focused, HR courses, Law courses, Calculus, Accounting, Finance and Management Info Systems.. then in addition we had our actual hospitality classes.. A 30 hour a week hotel internship, and mindless leadership classes.. I can't vouch for all programs but mine is definitely more time consuming than mosts.. They pushed us towards entrepreneurial opportunities in hospitality. And I killed my law classes so it just sort of solidified my thoughts about law vs. hospitality.

[FutureSuperLawyer]

I would drop the explanation for your major. Law schools pride themselves on accepting people from a diversity of majors. I don't think there is any need to explain it and your explanation (switching from law to wedding planner back to law) makes you sound flakey. With a 3.6 and a 167 you should be able to get into a school that will give you a decent shot at being a prosecuter.

[AnonymousAlterEgoC]

Start anew.

-I would both broaden and hide your DUI anecdote in a single paragraph. I would use the takeaway that "I realized, after seeing my friend die, that law has the power to change lives" rather than what you have.

-Because it's quite preachy, and it commits PS Copout #1: it's not really about you.

-Drop the high school references. No one cares.

-Drop the reference to "I always wanted to be a lawyer." A quick google search will reveal that the people reading LS PSs want to end themselves each time they read that sentiment.

-I think you have a better policy argument than anything else. I don't know why people are suggesting you become a prosecutor (but I really don't know much about the law, so with that caveat...). Prosecutors aren't changing policies. As a prosecutor, you pretty much just help enforce the law as written. Maybe you're good at it and get lots of heavy convictions, but it seems to me that you want to change policy rather than prosecute (that's just more consistent with your aims).

-This is sloppy.

Even in a sorority, where alcohol flows freely, I made sure that I count be counted on to keep everyone safe.

-You count be counted on?
-This sentence is just a sentence. It's not part of a larger idea. Your paragraphs are a mess. It's too "stream of consciousness." Try to organize your ideas into paragraphs.
-The whole alcohol + sorority thing isn't going to win you points.
-How can you "keep everyone safe"? It's just not realistic. Are you saying you were the sober one? Even if so, how are you going to keep everyone safe? It stops being sincere when it stops being realistic.

Though my vision slightly faltered in my first years of college, where I pictured a life of planning weddings,

-If you want to write an academic addendum, write it. This isn't that. This is more "wtf."
-Once again, no one wants to read about a vision of you becoming a lawyer. That's probably the worst thing you could write.

There may be a good PS in there somewhere, but it needs to be about you. It also needs a dose of "this person sounds like they'd make a good lawyer" not "HEY LISTEN I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A LAWYER." In very basic terms, allow your ideas to show that you've always wanted to be a lawyer, that you've spent a lot of time thinking about this, not that you want to hit the read over the head with the most tried and tired PS possible.

[Skool]

Well, I mostly agree with the above commenters.

This statement is deeply flawed mostly in the cliches and syrupy sentiments. I hesitate to offer constructive comments because I really do think you'd probably be a danger to the community you'd serve. Also I instinctively don't like you and have a vested interest in keeping you out of the profession.

However, I disagree with the idea that the essay is irredeemable. Prosecutors are essential to the adversarial nature of the criminal justice system, so while going to law school just to stop drunk drivers is silly, it might be worth it to go to law school to play an essential role in the criminal justice system and a functioning democracy.

Maybe consider the fact that meteing out punishment isn't the only way a prosecutor serves and protects; maybe steering people into diversionary programs, identifying and helping people who need treatment and getting them help is something to discuss in your essay. Maybe exercising the good judgment of NOT prosecuting or keeping a juvenile case out of adult criminal court are ways prosecutors serve.

Maybe you can talk a little about why you are uniquely qualified to serve your community in these ways because of your judgment and maturity. Maybe you can see how even decent people make mistakes and thing a prosecutor is uniquely capable of helping to heal broken communities.

Maybe give a kind of subtle sketch of what you imagine a prosecutor does and how you're qualified and motivated to do it.

Or just keep being an asshole and pretending you care about public service when really hotel management didn't work out and you're looking for plan B or whatever.

TLDR; writing about being a prose-cutie can be done but you need to be more subtle and maybe learn to see it as a more multi dimensional job.