! Any comments, suggestions, critiques are welcome. (p.s. there are snippets of red to indicate where I was unsure about the grammar, questionable word usage, etc)“Why do you keep doing that?”, my classmate Mark asked as I extended my lower jaw and flexed my neck uncontrollably. Being just a kid, I had been pelted with(by?) this question much too often. Who would ask was unpredictable; a friend, teacher, or worst at that age, a group interrogation. Like clockwork though, was the gut-wrenching feeling the question immediately triggered. It sent a jolt through my body, the type of panic and pounding heartbeat you can feel hammering behind your temples. “I’m not sure, I can’t help it,” I would habitually reply with a fleeting smile. Succinctness gratefully avoided even the most general explanation of why I tic.
I was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome and ADHD at age seven. I struggled with anxiety, fear, and low self-esteem throughout my youth, the emotional manifestations of humiliating vocal and facial tics, obsessive thoughts, and academic inadequacy. Home was my only sanctuary. School was a glass prison cell; my tics were inescapably on display. I was teased, singled out, or felt completely alienated almost daily. I coped by constructing an exterior with the appearance of normalcy. Every day, I suppressed my urge to tic, laughed with others at my abysmal grades, or playfully pretended to be unaware. The thought of letting others know who I really was was truly unfathomable, and the years of denial had taken their toll by my early teens.
My parents were always very supportive, and with their encouragement, I sought more aggressive treatment through counseling, medication, and athletics. When these failed, I fell deeper into isolation. What few friends I had disappeared, and I started to lose hope that I would improve. After I left middle school with a 2.8 GPA, my mother’s disposition changed. She began laughing to others that I was in a momentary phase that would pass with maturity. This was the same laugh I used to conceal my true self; only now, my mother was hiding her own hopeless feelings. Recognizing this fight was now entirely my own, and I began to take charge of my life.
I willed myself to face the inescapable; Tourette’s and ADHD controlled me only because I allowed them to. The embarrassment, poor grades, and fear had a single commonality; they required a willing player. I convinced myself that if I built those barriers, I could also raze them. Realizing this, these barriers gradually started to fall, and I began to excel socially and academically. Having attention difficulties meant success required substantially more effort than many of my peers, but my grades nevertheless soared. My confidence and mental discipline rose, enabling me to reduce the incidence of motor tics and expel vocal tics entirely, and a cycle of continuous improvement emerged. I graduated high school with a handful of lifelong friends, and an acceptance to the University ___________. Over the last three years, I have earned several prestigious awards for scholastic excellence, and am two credits away from a flawless undergraduate performance. Finally, after years of struggles and documented mediocrity, I seldom tic, am academically present, and am eager for the challenge of law school.
Although I have encountered obstacles, I am confident my journey to overcome them has given me the tools to thrive in law school. The combative forces of ADHD and a strong desire for academic success forged an indefatigable work ethic, and a lifetime of suppressing tics conferred the mental discipline and drive sufficient to endure the most demanding of intellectual tasks. The focus of my obsessive tendencies has shifted from my external perception to a compulsive attention to the details of my endeavors, whatever they may be. Past fears and woes over self-worth have been replaced by a healthy confidence in my abilities and a continuous crusade for self improvement. Most importantly, I think my experience will allow me to help those that feel, as I once felt, alienated, helpless, or subdued. This is what motivates me today, and if someone were to ask, I would not hesitate to tell them exactly what makes me tick.
