Thanks so much for the feedback! Forum

[charlesacar]

Hi, Team. Got a lot of good feedback last time and decided to go with a new topic. Any feedback is appreciated and nothing is too mean as long as it is honest!



Harry S. Truman once said, “In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves, self-discipline with all of them came first.” I have known of these words for some time but I never thought they would apply to me.

While I was studying in Ghana, I was kept up many nights by the mosquitos and the nightly power outages but even more so by a foreign sensation: fear. This may sound silly but up until that point in my life I can honestly say I never truly feared anything. I had reason to; between my neighborhood and my father there was much to fear in terms of my physical well-being. However despite my less than ideal start in this world I was never perturbed by the many dangers I faced as an urban, impoverished youth, in an abusive household. There were things to avoid, things to hide from, things to fight and things to ignore but never anything to fear. I always viewed my household and my community as temporary conditions, things external to myself. For as long as I can remember I had always been absolutely certain things would get better because I would endeavor to make them so.
My situation, of course, did improve - otherwise I would most likely not be writing this essay. However, the more things improved, the more my resolve left me. My time abroad was when I first faced this fear. Confused by the sensation, I tried to name the feeling with greater detail- I needed to describe it. I realized I was feeling a doubt that I couldn't really name. I tried to rationalize it; I looked toward my many courses, responsibilities, debts, and rationalized that these factors along with other stressors were causing my fear. I looked at myself objectively and decided being in a foreign place for the first time, totally on my own, was the obvious cause.

I managed my state and went about my classes and my internships. I returned home successful in both endeavors and quickly returned to the familiarity of American campus life. Still, the fear followed me. The more I achieved the stronger the panic became. I took another objective look at myself and decided years of stress, managing three majors, two minors, a certification, and a specialization, with work, service, internships, and extracurricular activities, were all catching up to me and I was simply burnt out. This brought me some peace and I told myself to just endure a little more and I would soon be done with college.

Shortly after being back home I received notice that I was fortunate enough to be selected as an intern for Google, the first and (to this date) only student from my University to be selected. The fear left me and I happily moved out to Berkeley, California to spend my summer working with Google’s Legal Team at the company’s global headquarters. Shortly into the experience the fear I had felt abroad returned when I was informed the internship was a tryout for a full time position. Shocked, having no previous idea I would have a chance to be converted in to a full time employee, I decided that no matter what I would make sure I got the full time offer.

Again, I rationalized my fear. I told myself it was the stress of the internship, the fear of not being good enough for a full time position, competing with intelligent, connected, and privileged students whose elementary prep schools were better and more expensive than my University. At the time it all seemed to make sense and explain the terrible doubt I was feeling. But I wasn’t scared of failing. I wasn’t scared of my competition. I couldn’t have been more confident that my work would speak for itself.

I was correct and two weeks after returning to New Jersey my recruiter called me with a full time offer to return to the Legal Team. Instead of feeling proud or accomplished, I felt terrified. My fear returned worse than ever. The more I relaxed, the more I lounged at my leisure, the worse I felt. I was no longer able to rationalize my fear.

All that time I spent waiting for the future and I found myself at its door. Google had given me a shiny golden key. All I had to do was go through and in a few short months I would no longer be poor. I would soon know a security and a level of comfort previously denied me my entire life and I was terrified of it. It was in this moment of realization that I noticed that the fear, the doubt- they were not external. They were coming from within. No one had ever told me to do well, to try in life. No one had ever put any hope or pressure on me to do anything with my life. I was without mentor, father, teacher, mother. Struggle is what raised and nurtured me in my informative years. I realized that everything I had thought of as my own internal motivation was simply a reaction to external factors. I didn’t want to go somewhere in life. I wanted to go anywhere, anywhere but where I was. Discomfort was my proverbial carrot on the stick pushing me forward.

I suddenly found myself in a situation where I had caught the carrot and I was terrified. I realized that from the moment I had escaped my town, escaped my home I was growing more and more comfortable. With necessity and struggle no longer driving me I was faced truly and for the first time with nothing but the internal processes, nothing but myself. I realized then, that I didn’t know how to move forward with nothing pushing me. I was flooded by doubts. Did I really want to move to California? Did I really want to work for Google? Could I still succeed at a high level without negativity fueling me?
I spent my senior year of college wrestling with these questions. My Google start date was an ominous mark on the calendar until after many months of thought I finally found a reason to move forward. As I said previously, no one ever told me to do well. No one had expected me to. Despite this lack of encouragement, I found a way to excel. Not because someone helped me, not because someone pushed me but because I made a choice. I made a simple choice to ignore what the world told me I was, to ignore what my surroundings told me I could be and demand something better. It is true I wanted to leave my home. It is true I wanted a safer, better life. But there were other ways to do that. I didn’t have to go to school, I didn’t have to go to Ghana, I didn’t have to take on three majors and I didn’t have to work my fingers to the bone to secure a job at the greatest company in the world. I did those things because I was self-motivated, because I alone thought these pursuits were worthwhile.

The point of sharing this story with you is to demonstrate what makes me different from other candidates and what will ensure my success in your institution. I have been faced with myself, with nothing but the internal pressure to succeed, to strive for progress when there is no other reason to do so other than one’s own desire. I don’t want to attend Law School because my parents pressured me, I don’t want to attend because I am confused about what to do with my life and I don’t want to attend because I happen to be bad at math. I want to attend Law School because it is the next step in my personal and professional development. My experiences on the Google Legal team have been incredibly challenging and rewarding. I enjoy the challenge that comes with negotiating terms and spotting weaknesses in language. I also enjoy the sense of responsibility that comes with making a judgment call during negotiations or while drafting an agreement and knowing the consequences will fall on me and me alone. Law is an area I feel comfortable operating in and I want to continue its pursuit at the next level.

In overcoming my fear I found my discipline. I have not been afraid since I realized this and I do not foresee myself returning to that emotion any time soon. I still am not sure about being a “great man” in the sense President Truman used the term but I know I have had my first victory and I am ready for many more.

[McAvoy]

starts with a quote

quote also insinuates you'll be a "great man," but youre trying to go to law school so I don't see relevance