Anyone mind critiquing this, feedback would be super helpful Forum

[gnomgnomuch]

In May of 2011 I returned from a family vacation and stepped on the scale. 200 pounds, the scale reported to me. 200, a number that still terrifies me. Standing 5 feet and 7 inches, with a cholesterol of over 220, I realized for the first time that I didn’t just look obese and unhealthy, I was.

I spent that night on the internet, learning everything I could about weight loss. The results were unappealing. Every legitimate website I came across stressed that real weight loss was hard, only doable with commitment and fortitude. There was no shortcut to it. A year later I was 50 pounds lighter.

That year was the turning point of my life. For the first time I learned about personal responsibility, hard work, dedication and most importantly how a clear goal for myself allowed me to achieve something that truly transformed me. My weight loss wasn't the only positive change that I experienced during this year.

My success in losing weight, spurred me to become a more conscientious student, and as I asserted the principles I learned in losing weight toward my academic life, my GPA rose drastically. Yet, I was still unclear on what I wanted out of my life, though I knew it lied in public interest.

As I became an upper classmen in college, I started doing serious research into what I wanted to do after I graduated, and decided that a career in law would complement my strengths and interests very well. However, I didn’t want to rush into any field, no matter how much research I had done on it, without first getting some personal experience in it.

After securing an internship with x group I spent the summer shadowing attorneys and paralegals, as well as conducting research on a variety of topics, and speaking directly with clients.

(It's not done yet, but I want to see if i'm taking it in a direction that you think is good.)

[Jack_Sheridan]

I think there will come a time in our life where all of us will be same or similar in terms of education and qualification. But what will distinct us from each another is our choice in decisions; our conscience! Do what your heart says...choosing career is all about it. God wishes It was glad reading about your commitment level.

[gnomgnomuch]

bump.