NEED HELP ON PROFESSIONAL STATMENT--Please give comments!! Forum

[Anonymous User]

This is a VERY ROUGH draft, in every sense of the phrase. Please offer any helpful comments you have!
Thanks!


I am writing to apply for admissions to Fordham Law School with a concentration in Intellectual Property.

As a graduate of Fordham University, I am committed to furthering my education and following the Christian tradition. After earning my degree from Fordham, I pursued a career in public relations within the non-profit and hospitality industries. Prior to these roles, I worked full-time for a mortgage broker as a Loan Processor, while attending school full-time. While in this role, I developed a passion for real estate law and ultimately found work as a Paralegal, which is my professional role with --------, a major real estate law firm.

My passion for real estate law began as a Loan Processor and was elevated after the crash of 2008. Many homebuyers became the victims of greedy banks looking to close as many mortgages as possible, and then selling them off to investment houses knowing that they were high risk investments. As a result of the crash, the government over-regulated the industry, leaving many first time homebuyers in a situation where they can no longer qualify to purchase their first home. We went from one extreme to the other.

If I am fortunate enough to become a Real Estate Attorney, my role will be to guide clients through the process in a manner that protects them from overzealous mortgage brokers, while also ensuring that they can meet long-term financial obligations. In addition, I would like to assist them with navigating through the loan approval process, if they qualify, and reduce the likelihood of rejection due to over regulations.

As an Attorney, my guidance would extend to counseling clients and on many factors including home appreciation values, including crime rates, school systems, access to public transportation, proximity to cultural centers, and other related factors. I would want to ensure that every client’s purchase was a highly informed decision.

I am confident that I can meet the academic requirements of the program. I graduated with a 3.0 GPA for my undergraduate degree. I worked full-time (30 hours a week), while pursuing a degree full-time. If I had the luxury of part-time work and/or full-time studies, I am confident that my GPA would have been much higher. In addition, my corporate experience clearly demonstrates my ability to meet with challenges, goals and demands of a corporate environment. If I can satisfy demanding corporate goals, I can satisfy the demands of your academic program.

I believe that as a graduate of Fordham Law School, I must serve as an ambassador of the university, living its vision and values and contributing to its brand and image. I have enclosed a copy of my resumé and application in the hope of earning your consideration.

[McAvoy]

I don't think you understand what intellectual property is. Also you don't formally "concentrate" on subjects in law school.

I don't really like what you're trying to do here. There's not really a compelling narrative; you're mentioning random tidbits, making excuses, begging for admission, etc. I would start from scratch and do something more traditional.

Also you have several lines that don't pass the cringe test. Don't say corny shit.

[A. Nony Mouse]

This doesn't say very much about you, which is what law schools usually want to see. (It's usually referred to as a personal statement, not a professional statement). For instance, there is no need to describe the role of a real estate attorney to adcomms. Also, I don't think a lot of what you describe is actually what real estate attorneys do (as opposed to realtors. Although I think in some parts of the country you have to have an attorney to buy a home? So maybe attorneys in those regions do. Keep in mind lots of states don't require home buyers to use an attorney, though).

This also seems to regurgitate material that should be on your resume, and you don't need to repeat it. If you wanted to talk more about your experience as a loan processor, for instance, that would be one way to go, but there's no need to list your jobs at the beginning. It doesn't add anything adcomms don't already know.

Also, no, what you're describing isn't intellectual property.

[encore1101]

is professional statement something different from a personal statement?

[wombat2111]

When I hear professional statement I think of a statement of purpose rather than a personal statement.

Also, yes, you definitely sound like you are describing a realtor—even in the jurisdictions that require an attorney to sign off on transactions.

[McAvoy]

OP if what you described is actually what you want to do and you really graduated with a 3.0 you should really look into being a realtor instead. for serious.

Unless your lsat is in the 170s there aren't going to be many/any good options for you, and fordham w/ a 3.0 under any circumstances is suicidal (as they don't give out scholarships -- especially to splitters). I hope you get rejected so you don't do this to yourself.