Personal Statement Help Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Personal Statement Help

Post by Anonymous User » Mon Sep 22, 2014 3:48 pm

Thank you for the help everyone!
Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Oct 15, 2014 5:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

lawschool2014hopeful

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Re: Personal Statement Help

Post by lawschool2014hopeful » Sun Sep 28, 2014 1:38 pm

I don't really understand how your struggle with your grandma connect with your interest in law at all. I really don't see the point in your communication story at all. I would choose a different topic.

wombat2111

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Re: Personal Statement Help

Post by wombat2111 » Mon Sep 29, 2014 11:14 pm

Unless you can make this about a passion for Elder Law, I might choose a different topic. I really thought that's where this was headed when I started reading.

There are also some grammar issues to work through—some of them significant. For example, I would take a second look at your use of the word notorious describing your place of employment.

Jack_Sheridan

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Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:47 pm

Re: Personal Statement Help

Post by Jack_Sheridan » Fri Oct 03, 2014 12:56 am

I just loved the starting lines..they are engaging and thoughtful. Your personal statement is beautiful but just try to make it more clear and oriented to one particular argument. I am sure you will be able to do that :)

farfromthetree

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Joined: Fri Jun 20, 2014 12:35 pm

Re: Personal Statement Help

Post by farfromthetree » Sat Oct 11, 2014 6:42 pm

"My grandmother is a singular example, but it reinforced the notion that maybe others’ needs were not being properly taken care of. This curious thought bothered me."

I don't like this part at all. Are you saying that you only started to reflect about others' needs because of your grandma, and that the thought of other people not getting their needs met was "curious?" It just comes off really weird.

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