first draft PS-please review and comment thx! Forum

[tyang]

i intentionally left out names for anonymity

if a 1L/2L, etc could comment that would be cool, but i'd be happy if other 0Ls could chime in too.

personal statement

"As early as I can remember, I have been interested in the law and serving and helping others. The funny thing is, in between always assuming the role of “cop” or “security” when playing with others as a child, or being a clueless college freshman taking a pre-law course for fun, I never planned on pursuing the practice of law as a career. Yet, as I reflect on my life experiences, it doesn’t seem so unusual that I’m on the path towards law school, and I couldn’t envision myself anywhere else. If I had to choose several influences that have helped me get here, I would most definitely choose my father, one of my undergraduate professors, and my current position and employer.

My father, ______, has served as a community service officer with the local police department since 1997, when I was just 7. Throughout the years, seeing his selfless dedication day in and day out to serving the community has amazed me. Numerous times, he was summoned to deal with late night incidents, and yet hours later he was back at work for his normal shift, and not once did he complain. Perhaps what awes me the most is his ability to transcend cultural and language barriers to be a liaison between the criminal justice system and the Hmong community. Early in his career, he was the only one in the department who could speak and translate for the Hmong, Lao, and Thai community, and more importantly, bring the law into terms that could be understood by first-generation immigrants who did not have experience with the American justice system. In the same way, I hope to be able to transcend any barriers and serve the community I am in through the legal system. The examples I’ve noticed from my father’s career are ones I will cherish and seek to mimic, and I only hope I may make an impact as important and strong as he has.

Also instrumental in piquing my interest in law was __________, one of my undergraduate professors at the ________. On a whim, I took a class focusing on law and society, and then, unforeseen to me at the time, ended up taking several more classes with Dr. ______. Her classes were never easy, but they were enjoyable. She demanded much in preparation and in-class work, and taught pre-law courses in a way that caught my attention and interest. She didn’t just teach the law as old, historical concepts without importance; rather, we were challenged to consider how the law impacted society at the time, and how it continues to have relevance today. At some point, something clicked in my head and I realized law was something I could see myself pursuing. I can say without a doubt that I would not be applying for law school today had I not come under the instruction of Dr. _____.

Working in a legal support role has also provided clarity and insight into what lawyers actually do, and motivation to pursue it further. As a Legal Administrative Assistant at ___________, I am often the first point of contact for legal issues. Many times, I see something and wonder how awesome it would be to help with it. Nonetheless, the bigger picture I’ve noticed is that not all organizations, especially nonprofits, are as fortunate as others to have excellent legal counsel. In speaking to a friend on the board of an organization seeking 501(c)(3) status, he mentioned how he wishes they had someone to provide legal advice and counsel. Through my experience working at __________ and exploration of nonprofit law, I am confident this is the career path I want to take, and the type of legal work I want to pursue.

If I was told several years ago that I would be applying to law school now, I wouldn’t believe it. However, I am grateful for the people and experiences that have shaped my future plans and career path. Without them, I would not be aspiring to be the best I can be, and I would not be applying to the University of Wisconsin Law School. I sincerely believe my hopes, dreams, and experiences will contribute meaningfully to the law school community, and I am confident the University of Wisconsin Law School will provide world-class instruction and allow me to flourish as a student and future attorney."

addendum below. background: i have ok grades (sub-3.0 gpa), but in most of my poli sci/pre-law courses i earned A's (class averages were probably C's). i am attempting to play up these courses and the required skills against my overall record. am i trying too hard to compare undergrad to law school?

As you consider my academic performance and GPA, I ask that you give special consideration to my performance in upper level Political Science and pre-law courses. I believe my excellent performance in these classes is a more proper measure of my aptitude for success in law school than what my GPA may suggest. Several of these courses were structured similar to law school courses; we were required to brief 2-3 cases and be prepared to discuss them each class period, and the courses utilized the Socratic Method. Exams and midterm assignments were always issue spotting questions, and an ability to write clearly and think critically about prior law in relation to the question was crucial to success. Though undergraduate courses do not match the difficulty of law school courses, I am confident you will find that I have the skills necessary to be successful at your law school, regardless of what my GPA may be.

[ZyzzBrah]

Take this advice for what it is, but I don't like your use of the phrase "The funny thing is"--I think you could just delete that. Also, I found the use of "awesome" odd.

But, best of luck. What school range are you apply to btw?

[tyang]

Take this advice for what it is, but I don't like your use of the phrase "The funny thing is"--I think you could just delete that. Also, I found the use of "awesome" odd.

But, best of luck. What school range are you apply to btw?

am i getting too creative? i wanted to personalize it a bit and give it some voice.

i'm gonna be applying to Wisconsin, Minnesota, and WUSTL. and just for kicks, Northwestern....i think my numbers will end up at 3.0/165 (preparing for this month's LSAT)

[hbaker712]

I'm going to be very honest, so I apologize if it offends you, that is not the intent.

Paragraph one: I would, and did avoid colloquialisms. Beyond that, this paragraph did not pull me in at all. When viewing something like this in terms of primacy-recency, you don't really give the admissions officer(s) anything substantial to remember. In all honesty, the biggest thing I gleaned from this paragraph is that you didn't want to be a lawyer. Even looking back after writing the rest of this, that point is still stuck in my mind.

Paragraph two: I'm learning a lot about your father, but very little about you. Two paragraphs in and I still don't know you. You begin to say that you want to do things like your father, but nothing about why. Further, you don't say anything about how this relates to your desire to go to law school.

Parahraph three: This is basically the same as paragraph two. I get a sense of who your professor was, but not you. You say something clicked in your head, but you never expand upon that. We're three paragraphs in and I still don't know why you want to pursue law.

Paragraph four: This is a little better than the preceding work. Again, I would caution you to avoid words like "awesome." Instead, try something like "fulfilling." Also, you need to expand more.

Paragraph 5: This paragraph is fine as a conclusion. The problem is that you really haven't said anything earlier in the PS to lead to the conclusion you make.

Addendum: This is a little long. Your addendum doesn't have to be presented as an argument. Keep things short. What happened? Why did it happen? What did you learn from it?

Overall: Remember that this is your PS. The admissions officers need to know about you. Who are you beyond your GPA/LSAT? In reading between the lines, I think I have a picture of why you want to go into law, but I'm still unsure. Try to expand on every point you make about your dream, desires, experiences, etc.... At the same time, pull back some on the details you offer about others. Finally, you really need to go through and edit for style and grammar. The prose is inconsistent in places and just needs to be cleaned up. This is not a terrible first draft. You have a great outline from which to continue to build a strong PS. Good luck!

[cheesy145]

Instead of writing about three separate ideas in each paragraph with a vague summary of each pick one topic that is most personal and honest to you and go with it. The three topics are just too much topic with too little substance. Also it does not flow and sounds like you're listing bullet points.