Active vs. Passive Sentences Forum

[PN-G bamakid]

This may seem like a narrow topic, but there's good reason for that.

I recently wrote the first draft of my personal statement and asked my prelaw advisor for his feedback. Some of it made perfect sense and I'm taking them into account as I redraft the document. But one point he makes doesn't quite make sense to me. According to him, I wrote a personal statement chocked full of passive sentences - I'm "pulling my punches," as he puts it. He basically edited each individual sentence to make it more "active" because active sentences read more like a legal document according to him, which helps showcase my legal writing skills.

I can understand that style of writing in a legal document, but as I read it in a personal statement, it looks choppy to me. The statement doesn't flow as well. I'm honestly not sure that an admissions committee is going to look at it and see a college-level caliber of writing.

Has anyone else ever thought about that? Is that something I should even be worried about? I've read through some of the example personal statements here and felt like my first draft resembled those more.

[Macunaíma]

Legal writing is replete with passive voice, which is why legal writing is so bad. Lawyers avoid attributing agency unless they are plaintiffs.

The only reason to default to passive is to avoid liability. People do things. Victims have things done unto them by a defendant.

[RunnerRunner]

I would listen to your adviser: every professor I ever had hated passive sentences. That said, if it sounds choppy with the new sentences you should probably keep editing. Hopefully you can find a way to make a more "active" statement that still flows. Its not going to kill you to have a passive sentence here and there, but its pretty noticeable if that is all you are using. Good luck!

[malleus discentium]

Passive voice is never per se bad style, and advice to that effect should send you immediately running in the other direction. Sometimes the passive voice is better, sometimes active voice is preferable. It depends on the context and the sentence. (Additionally, saying your PS should read like legal writing is such bad advice that your prelaw advisor should be fired.)

[rinkrat19]

Passive voice can be the best (or only logical) way to formulate a sentence, but too much passive voice can make your essay read like you were just sitting like a (passive!) lump with things happening to you, your whole life.