Descriptive or Analytical?? please help! Forum

[Anonymous User]

I have two different drafts. I am not sure which one is better for personal statement. Some advice?

1. I started by showing how being a journalist helped me shape the person who I am today and then I told some stories of me interviewing some refugees, which lead me to interview some local peace organizations. Then I started to write about why there are still so many sufferings in Middle East with so many peace organizaitions working here. I later found out the reason why. Then I said I started my research (using Yugoslavia and Latin America as comparative cases) on how to find a practical option for reaching final peace, which lead me to land on law. Later, I mentioned turning to law is not abandonment of journalism but a deeper commitment, I gave my reasons. At last, I wrote about my career plan - go back to ME to work for local peace organizations.

2. The second draft is pretty much similar, but the difference is that I deleted most of my experiences in Middle East and went directly to the interview with those organizations. And I used a fair amount of words on my analysis -- how did I use different resources to find out the reasons why they fail, what logic did I use to reach the conclusion that "civil society" is the way, and how did I come to understand that law is the must-go path. [the corresponding part in the first draft was about 150 words, I did mention it, but did not analyze deeply] Then the rest parts are the same -- not abandonment of journalism and career path.

The first one seems to be more personal as I will tell more of my stories with those people I interviewed, but I gave it to one of my friends (who will go to YLS this year), he said it was too descriptive, why not expand the analysis part to show AO that you have the intellectual ability to solve actual problems and to synthesize different ideas to reach your goal. That's when I started to draft my second one. But the problem with the second one is that it seems too analytical, I'm afraid adcomms won't like this kinda of personal statement, as it's waayyyy too rational and non-personal.

I am really confused now, any advice would be very much appreciated! thanks!

[HRomanus]

The experiences are fertile ground for a great personal statement. Neither narrative sounds right, however. The first has too many experiences and you won't be able to fully develop any of them. The second - as you said - is too analytical. A PS is not a policy document or stream of consciousness on an issue. Select the most powerful or revealing experience and craft that into a compelling narrative about yourself.

[Anonymous User]

The experiences are fertile ground for a great personal statement. Neither narrative sounds right, however. The first has too many experiences and you won't be able to fully develop any of them. The second - as you said - is too analytical. A PS is not a policy document or stream of consciousness on an issue. Select the most powerful or revealing experience and craft that into a compelling narrative about yourself.

Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, as a journalist, everything I've experienced is pretty much me being a watcher, interviewer instead of a participator. Therefore, if I want to write something genuinely "personal", that actually would turn out to be "non-personal" ...

[HRomanus]

The experiences are fertile ground for a great personal statement. Neither narrative sounds right, however. The first has too many experiences and you won't be able to fully develop any of them. The second - as you said - is too analytical. A PS is not a policy document or stream of consciousness on an issue. Select the most powerful or revealing experience and craft that into a compelling narrative about yourself.

Thanks for your advice. But the thing is, as a journalist, everything I've experienced is pretty much me being a watcher, interviewer instead of a participator. Therefore, if I want to write something genuinely "personal", that actually would turn out to be "non-personal" ...

Choosing to interview refugees, finding refugees, interviewing refugees, deciding you needed to interview peace organizations, finding peace organizations, interviewing peace organizations... these are all personal and active things. Focus on your experience, not the interviews themselves. Don't analyze the geo-political situation and don't argue why this leads you to law.