Please rate this personal statement (Applying to T-14's)

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Anonymous User
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Please rate this personal statement (Applying to T-14's)

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jun 06, 2014 7:53 pm

Sample of my Georgetown Law Personal Statement:


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Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Jun 09, 2014 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ymmv

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Re: Please rate this personal statement (Applying to T-14's)

Post by ymmv » Fri Jun 06, 2014 8:24 pm

I didn't read past the first three sentences: conducive, purported, requisite, infinite, inter-subjectivity, Jesus Loquacious Christ. This, like my first personal statement, comes across as pretentious and fake. Write something personal (and preferably honest) that doesn't sound like a pothead freshman's attempt at a philosophy thesis.

ETA: I skimmed a little lower. International law is not a field, btw. And do not use the word "prestigious" in a personal statement or anything you write ever again. And for fuck's sake stop fawning - you are applying for law school, not personal bootlicker to the pope.
Also thinking GULC students are "kind," "collegial," "respectful" and "low-stress" just makes you sound unobservant, but then again maybe the adcomm actually believes that BS too.

I apologize for brutality but honestly believe you can do better.

ClubberLang

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Re: Please rate this personal statement (Applying to T-14's)

Post by ClubberLang » Sun Jun 08, 2014 10:57 pm

This was wordy and incoherent. If you are going to lead with Florida, at least pretend like it has something to do with the rest of your reflections. Schools probably get stuff like this all the time, but if you want a rating I'd say 1/10.

03152016

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Re: Please rate this personal statement (Applying to T-14's)

Post by 03152016 » Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:03 am

This is essentially a fluffed up "Why Georgetown" essay. That's fine, but I don't understand the way you framed it; I'm not making the connection between your journey of self-discovery and Georgetown's collegial atmosphere and proximity to the DoD. The ideas are disjointed and lack clear direction.

Also, and I hope you won't take this personally, but the first paragraph is very poorly written and borders on unreadable. I would recommend scrapping it completely and starting over.

Generally -- narrow your focus. Craft your ideas around a central theme that is manifested in every sentence. Express yourself simply, directly, and with clarity and purpose. Finally, have a friend with strong writing skills help you edit. We can give you feedback, but there's nothing like getting immediate feedback on your writing line-by-line.

Best of luck.

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