final draft. Any final remarks? Forum

[Wright]

Personal Statement

As a child, I thought to myself, “Why me?” I was born with a rare condition that caused complete blindness in my left eye and high muscle tone on the left side of my body, which basically means that my left side was much weaker than my right. Growing up in the very small town of South Fulton, Tennessee, I found it peculiar that I was the only child with any major defect. Special accommodations were unacceptable to me in school. Sitting at the front of the class for vision’s sake or wearing safety glasses at recess were denied by me on a daily basis. I was committed to being viewed as normal, even though it caused extra challenges for me. As I grew older, I realized that self-pity was not, and never would be, the solution to my problems. These physical hindrances were just additional obstacles that I had to conquer.

What I lacked in physical talent, I overshadowed with intelligence. Academia became the top priority in my life. Academics were an area that I viewed as an equal playing field with my classmates; my physical disadvantages could not impair my ability in this field. I flourished in academia throughout high school and graduated in the top 10 of my class.

When I began my undergraduate career, my father told me that I would never earn the degree. Being emotionally supportive is not his strong suit, and he is brutally honest in his opinions. His challenge was yet another that I had to defeat. I started as a biology major with hopes of attending pharmacy school. After my sophomore semester, I began taking political science and law classes as electives. I became fascinated with the law and decided to change my major. This was the best choice that I made as an undergraduate. My new goal was to attend law school. Since my university did not offer a pre-law major, I chose political science. My GPA steadily increased each semester after the change in major. In December of 2013, I conquered my father’s challenge and became the first member of my generation to graduate with a 4 year degree.

My family always told me that I would make a great lawyer because I liked to argue. However, there is much more to being a lawyer than arguing. Lawyers must use legal precedents and logic in legal proceedings. Lawyers must also prepare extensively to pinpoint an argument’s details. Preparation is an area in which I excel, and I displayed this at the Tennessee Intercollegiate State Legislature’s moot court competition at their 44th General Assembly. During the weeks leading up to the competition, I searched through court case upon court case. Any relevant legal precedent found could be used as a weapon to attack my opponents’ arguments. Many colleges throughout the state of Tennessee sent teams to argue a fictional appellate reverse discrimination case against one another. The jury, which was composed of practicing attorneys, praised my presentation. They noted that my roadmap to the case, use of legal precedents, delivery, and posture were superb. This competition instilled great insight on what it actually takes to be a successful law student. It displayed how vital preparation is in legal matters.

I began primary school with the drive to become normal. However, my experiences will forever make me an incredibly unique individual. I view law school as yet another step on the ladder to success. Hopefully, I will be able to conquer this step at the University of Memphis College of Law.

[staige152]

I like the chronological sequence of this statement. It shows you have overcome adversity which is great. I just have two suggestions. The second is more of a preference than necessary change.

You may want to change this line from passive to active:
Sitting at the front of the class for vision’s sake or wearing safety glasses at recess were denied by me on a daily basis

You may want to change 4-year degree into a Bachelors degree in clarification.
In December of 2013, I conquered my father’s challenge and became the first member of my generation to graduate with a 4 year degree.

[teckman]

"first member of your generation" could potentially include the following scenarios:
you are the only member of your generation
you are the oldest member of your generation

tense agreement - "means" vs "was born" and "was much weaker"


just realized this thread is months old. oh well