First Draft, anything missing? Any advice is appreciated Forum

[Anonymous User]

As I gazed across the horizon of the African plain in Kruger National Park, a flashback of my adolescent years appeared in my mind. I was born in XXX, a small harbour city East of XXX. It was a beautiful vacation destination for foreigners but was underdeveloped back in the days and people often moved to the big cities when they had a chance. My parents knew there was little hope for prosperity if we stayed so in the turn of the new millennium my parents made the gamble of their lifetime by immigrating to Canada with only couple thousands of dollars in their pockets. I was too young to appreciate the risk and reward of their action but I knew for one thing, my world will never be the same again.
Being Asian meant a lot of stigmas were attached to me as I quickly found out after arriving in Canada. It was difficult for us to be integrated into the Canadian culture so like most immigrants we took the easy way out and got together with other Asians. I never understood why my parents always put so much emphasis on math and science while neglecting subjects like English, sports, and world issues. Now that I think about it, I guess having a science or math degree is just another easy way out. After all, language isn’t one of our advantages on the job market. Coming from a traditional Asian family also meant I was pretty obedient and never really questioned my parents’ decisions. It wasn’t until the last few days of grade 12 that I made a decision for my future. For the first time, I decide to take a gamble and step away from the comfort of my own culture to explore the wonders of this world.
I never had a specific career choice as a child but I was fascinated with animals, African animals in particular. One thing led to another and soon I found myself mesmerized with this long forgotten Continent. The one thing that inspired me the most was my volunteer trip to South Africa in 2012. This trip holds a special place in my heart because my biggest childhood dream came true. In the past, I never believed that I could set my foot on the African continent. Apart from all of the amazing spectacles that I read and heard about, I met some incredible people and saw with my own eyes what Africa was all about. The poverty, human right violation, violence, disease, and corruption were undeniable. However, I also saw determination and the will to fight against all these problems. As a volunteer, I was involved with conservation, village development, and charity events. We had a lot of hands-on experience working on these various projects and we had several important lectures on environmental protection, regional development, and culture exchange. If I were to describe the current state of Africa, I would have to say it is a dynamic place full of potentials and opportunities. It would truly be a pleasure to be able to eventually work in countries such as Tanzania or Kenya where so much legal matters are being dealt with every single day. Many laws there are still being refined especially with environmental and wildlife laws in which I am interested in.There are a lot of UN administrative positions that require law degrees and couple years of experience. I believe having an international law background could be my safest bet to those destinations.
As for my post-secondary education, I went to the University XXX where I studied criminology. It didn’t teach me the skills necessary for a specific job or lead me to a career path. However, it taught me new ways to view this social world as a whole and forced me to think critically about world issues that I never felt would apply to me. I took many law-related courses during this time and I was able to relate those issues to my personal life. I had a lot of reading and comprehension which now I feel very comfortable in doing. I could never do enough preparation for law school but I believe I have all of the essential requirements to make a smooth transition.
In recent years, law has becoming increasingly prominent in my life. From unjustified parking tickets to fund-related lawsuits, it has caused a lot of trouble for me and my family. Living as a minority, I think it’s crucial for me to know at least some basic laws and rights in order to protect me and my family. For example, a parking ticket we received may have gone through if I didn’t check with the Act regarding Ontario parking regulations. My mom had several small businesses over the years, I often have to help her with interpreting and translating the contract and lease agreements. I learned quite a few things from these practical experiences and it is my sincere belief that the responsibility is on the individual to protect his or her own rights. Having said that, many people assume that going to law school means one will become a lawyer, I feel this law degree will be more than a mere tool to a good career.

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XXX would be my top choice for completing my law degree. It is the only school that offers a 2-years program conjoint with Canadian law courses. This is very rare outside of Canada and it would definitely save me a lot of time and money if I decide to return to Canada. The Canadian Law Students’ Association will also be a great asset for Canadians like me where I could feel closer to home and create a network between Australia and Canada. Having lived by myself for my undergraduate study, I think moving to the XXX will be an extended challenge for me but I now have the experience I need to live by myself. Lastly, Australia is the last continent that I haven’t been to yet and it would be a marvelous experience to study in a place with terrific weather.

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I forgot to talk about why the the school i'm applying to should take me in so I added it in the last minute. Should I put this part in the last section or somewhere in the middle??

Thanks in advance!

[CanadianWolf]

This is not a good law school personal statement. Bluntly speaking, it's a rambling, boring mess. Develop a theme that reveals something about your psychological make-up--what motivates you + why, or a theme showing how you perservered, overcame & matured through a trying experience. Narrative travelogues offer law school admission officers little insight as to who you are & how you became that person. Start over.