Good or bad? Ps review Forum

[Anonymous User]

​My first attempt at college was, for lack of a better description, misguided. I went to college because that is what everyone I knew was doing, not because I had a compelling reason to pursue a degree. When I arrived at the University of Washington in Seattle I was grossly unprepared for the various rigors not so much of academia, but of taking care of myself on my own in a new environment for the first time. Without the necessary life skills, and in the absence of any meaning motives to pursue my studies, I floundered. Beset by physical health problems in the form of constant illness due to a weakened immune system, as well as mental health problems in the form of biting depression, I struggled just to make it to class. After a year and a half of the steady deterioration of my self-esteem, health and academic record I had had enough. I was not living up to my standards for myself, and that needed to stop. I decided to withdraw from the University of XXXX and seek a new trajectory for my life. When I returned to my parents’ house in YYYYY I was humbled, humiliated and lost. Fortunately for me the decision to refocus was the best I could have possibly made.
​Upon my return home my father offered me a part time job working as an assistant at his law firm in order to make some money while I decided what the next step towards my future would be. My father’s generosity was a tremendous blessing. I loved working at the firm. From going to the MUNICIPAL courthouse to research cases on microfilm, to learning how to enter billing information into the designated computer program, to getting the chance to draft my first memo, the law firm job challenged my intellect and helped me to build self-esteem and self-confidence. My dad was critical of my work, but he was also patient and encouraging. I learned that being a lawyer was extremely taxing, but very rewarding. I saw my dad helping real people solve real problems in the real world. From that moment I realized that I wanted to practice law. To achieve that goal I would need to continue my studies.
I chose to pursue a degree in English both because I love literature and poetry and because it would furnish me with an opportunity to hone my ability to write well and to analyze texts critically. My second attempt at college could not have been more different from my first. By the time I resumed my studies, now as a part time student the University of Xxx yyyyy, I had found the motivation, passion and skill set necessary for success. Whereas in zzzzzzz I struggled to make it to class, in Yyyy I was contending for academic honors. I fell in love with drawing on close readings to create my own original arguments. I read and reread some of the greatest works in the history of literature. I found myself excelling in my studies to a degree I had not previously imagined possible. I enjoyed working hard, and I made my way towards law school on an academic plane.
​During this time I also secured my second job in the legal realm as a paid intern for the General Counsel of a telecom company, attorney x. Again I was able to put my analytical, social and organizational skills to use. I loved working for my father because I saw him helping others in the highly specialized world of real-property litigation. I loved working for a corporate attorney because of the diversity tasks for which he was responsible. From entrepreneurial advising, to tax consulting to labor disputes Mr. X was an integral part of business operations. Both work experiences were tremendously gratifying, as they both involved helping others in a concrete way. Working for Mr. X solidified law as my dream career, and gave me further confidence that I was on the right path.
​When I graduated college with Cum Laude honors as an inductee into Phi Beta Kappa in June of 2013 I was ready for the next step. With my LSAT score in the books I could not be more excited to continue working towards my ultimate goal: to use my skills and education to help others in a meaningful and tangible way.

[AntipodeanPhil]

This is fine. It's not the most exciting PS, but it doesn't have any really serious problems.

In my view, probably the biggest problem is that you present yourself too negatively in the first paragraph. I understand that the theme of your PS is your growth and development, but admissions committees might worry about whether all of your earlier problems have been resolved, and whether they will come back again in a new (and stressful) setting. They don't want you failing and dropping out of their law school. I would be especially concerned about this if the University of Xxx yyyyy is in your home town, and if you haven't lived away from your home town (or your parents' house) since.

Secondly, your PS is bland and reads too much like a resume. Can you include specific examples - perhaps a particular case you worked on with your father, that helped you to understand why you wanted to be a lawyer and illustrates the general points you make?

If I was going to structure your PS, I would make the first paragraph a story of your success in a legal setting (working for your father or the GC), the second paragraph about your problems at the University of Washington (toned down), the third paragraph about your subsequent success at XXX yyyyy, and your final paragraph about your legal experience. That way, you start and end of positive topics.

Also, your last paragraph needs to go. The first sentence is on your resume, and the second sentence is trite and meaningless.

Beyond those general points, there are a few grammatical issues and odd phrasings, but no point mentioning all of those now.

[mach9zero]

This is fine. It's not the most exciting PS, but it doesn't have any really serious problems.

In my view, probably the biggest problem is that you present yourself too negatively in the first paragraph. I understand that the theme of your PS is your growth and development, but admissions committees might worry about whether all of your earlier problems have been resolved, and whether they will come back again in a new (and stressful) setting. They don't want you failing and dropping out of their law school. I would be especially concerned about this if the University of Xxx yyyyy is in your home town, and if you haven't lived away from your home town (or your parents' house) since.

Secondly, your PS is bland and reads too much like a resume. Can you include specific examples - perhaps a particular case you worked on with your father, that helped you to understand why you wanted to be a lawyer and illustrates the general points you make?

If I was going to structure your PS, I would make the first paragraph a story of your success in a legal setting (working for your father or the GC), the second paragraph about your problems at the University of Washington (toned down), the third paragraph about your subsequent success at XXX yyyyy, and your final paragraph about your legal experience. That way, you start and end of positive topics.

Also, your last paragraph needs to go. The first sentence is on your resume, and the second sentence is trite and meaningless.

Beyond those general points, there are a few grammatical issues and odd phrasings, but no point mentioning all of those now.

Going to start by saying this guy hit on some really great points. You focus early on too much of the negative. That paragraph is about six sentences too long. Next, go back and remove the word love. You wrote it five times, I want you to write it zero. Enthusiasm, passion, delight, zeal, appreciation are all alternative words. Reduce the amount of times you write work and working. And get rid of "academic plane."

I would be worried about your attachment to your father. Although I'm not accusing you, to an admissions officer the support you received from your father may come off somewhat immature. If you're too far from home for LS, would that impact your academics?

You didn't "attempt" college again, you successfully completed it. I'd word it more as "returning to college" even if you went to a different institution.

[TLSanders]

You run a real risk that no one is going to read past the first paragraph, assuming as they will that this whole statement is about explaining away early bad grades and such. If you need that experience as a lead-in to the positive experience that followed, do that in one sentence and get right to the real story. (The downsides can be addressed in an addendum if your LSAC GPA has been affected by that early experience).

You need a bit more tie in of your strengths and what you've learned as they relate to your future career--why you want to is nice, but only the beginning. And, you've overdone the language about gratitude and dreams and such a bit; in particular, the last line about helping people feels like it comes out of left field.