Feminism - Scholarship essay - Please advise Forum

[luuma]

deletion maximus

[guano]

Sorry. That first sentence makes it so I'm not inclined to read the rest.
This isn't a worst writing competition. Drop the flowery language and keep it on point

[mach9zero]

Without the context of exactly what this is for, I'll have a hard time judging it. I will say, I feel as if you're not telling your own personal story. The encounter with the mayor is fluff, and the ending quote is a groaner - if not just hard to believe. You also talk about the past history of the DR, and how your family migrated here and how the Hispanic population suffers from machoism. That's a point that exists in all backgrounds and cultures still, gender inequality and isn't unique to Hispanics. This just doesn't speak to you personally, and how feminism has shaped your career goals (and moreso, how your "feminism" isn't like the experience of every other female applicant).

The gender standards the women in my family were forced to uphold opened my eyes to a world of inequality based on gender. But I also noticed that many of the accomplishments for the progression of gender rights have taken place because of regulatory changes.

This is a really confusing statement. Are you saying that pro-equality legislation is a good thing or a bad thing? And I wouldn't use the term regulatory changes, especially if it supposed to be a positive.

As a lawyer, I fully intend to use the resources at my disposal to tackle gender-related issues. Whether it be a pro bono case or a publication, I believe every action can contribute to a greater movement.

Any realist reading this is going to tell you to hop of your high horse. Every 0L has aspirations (similar to new teachers) about how THEY will be the ones to change the world and the be the difference maker that few before them could aspire to be. You're giving a lot of generalizations, but nothing concrete. It makes me think that a) you're jaded about the legal profession and the actual rituals of being a lawyer, or b) you really haven't given full consideration of how to promote social change and are only trying to appeal through puffery.