Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts! Forum
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Anonymous User
- Posts: 432652
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am
Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!
Starting from scratch. Thanks for the feedback. May upload a new one tomorrow.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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PourMeTea
- Posts: 6874
- Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 8:32 am
Post removed.
Post removed.
Last edited by PourMeTea on Fri May 08, 2015 12:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Anonymous User
- Posts: 432652
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am
Re: Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!
OP here - I had a feeling someone might say that. I'm not sure how I feel about it anymore.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Jan 12, 2014 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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sherealcool
- Posts: 50
- Joined: Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:01 am
Re: Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!
I don't like this at all. The "gotcha" moment at the end is really emotionally manipulative. Law schools don't like that kind of thing - they want the straight shit. If you want to talk about your grandfather, talk about him in a straightforward way.
That mentioned, I wouldn't open with a story about another person...this statement is ultimately about you, not your grandfather. Do you really want to spend a whole paragraph describing another person?
Start from scratch, mate.
That mentioned, I wouldn't open with a story about another person...this statement is ultimately about you, not your grandfather. Do you really want to spend a whole paragraph describing another person?
Start from scratch, mate.
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