Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research Forum

[Anonymous User]

--thanks, please delete this thread---

[xmbeckham]

I can see from the essay that you have many good qualities, but one main problem is that it reads a bit too professional. Try connecting with your readers with personalized passages that tell more about you (not only what you did). Focus less on the research content.

[Arcticlynx]

You and I need to swap drafts for editing next week. I also have a science background and write a little about research in my essay (you detail the methods and material of your project beautifully). Overall, however, I have a different take on the essay then you and cut out a lot of my research experience. After reading your essay, I think that we can learn from each other and make both essays better.

Feel free to PM me this weekend, and I will pick it up on Monday.

[Anonymous User]

You and I need to swap drafts for editing next week. I also have a science background and write a little about research in my essay (you detail the methods and material of your project beautifully). Overall, however, I have a different take on the essay then you and cut out a lot of my research experience. After reading your essay, I think that we can learn from each other and make both essays better.

Feel free to PM me this weekend, and I will pick it up on Monday.

Sounds good! I'm actually in the process of editing to make mine a bit more personable but it should be ready over the weekend. I'll PM you (not anonymously of course) in a couple days!

I can see from the essay that you have many good qualities, but one main problem is that it reads a bit too professional. Try connecting with your readers with personalized passages that tell more about you (not only what you did). Focus less on the research content.

Thank you for your feedback, it makes a lot of sense. I'm going to make it easier/more fun to read.

[jac101689]

Excellent in my opinion. The popular wisdom is not to start with someone else's words but that Darwin gem made me smile ear-to-ear. You've written about something that could easily have come off as wooden and made it come alive; at the same time you've told us a lot about yourself.

I think "why law" could be stronger and that's about it.

[Anonymous User]

Excellent in my opinion. The popular wisdom is not to start with someone else's words but that Darwin gem made me smile ear-to-ear. You've written about something that could very well come off as wooden and made it come alive; at the same time you've told us a lot about yourself.

I think "why law" could be stronger and that's about it.

Thanks a lot! I actually JUST removed my original draft, I'm going to make a new thread with my revised PS which is hopefully more readable (ahem less boring?) than the previous incarnation.