Academic addendum- Work in progress Forum

[Anonymous User]

Hey guys, i just did a quick rough draft of my academic addendum. I still have to work on it but i would love your input (grammar, deletions, additions, etc).

I’ve been a hard-working student and individual throughout my years in college. I wanted to wholly dedicate my effort and energy to my time at UCLA but was unable to do so during my junior year which, for us transfers, is basically our first year. My aunt fell very ill during the summer before I started my time at UCLA. She lacked the support of many members in our family. Her husband passed away 3 years ago and her children had disowned her. Being one of the very few people that were close to my aunt, I had to make multiple trips back and forth from college to visit and take care of her during the time of her deteriorating health and subsequent death in April. It occurred to me that I should have taken some time off school and focused on taking care of my aunt, but I didn’t want to delay my graduation date. I missed many lectures and discussions during my third year. I struggled to balance visiting my aunt, dedicating myself to school and work, and getting accustomed to my new school and environment. I believe that this might have been a factor of my low performance in college during my junior year. This should by no means reflect my performance as a student. As you will notice I have consistently kept a gpa of 3.6 for the other 3 years of my time spent in college and that is more representative of my ability and dedication to my education.

[AntipodeanPhil]

I think the most important question has to be whether you include an addendum for this at all.

If you do, you need to change the tone. At the beginning, you sound bitter, and you provide family history that admissions representatives won't want or need (they don't need to know that your aunt's children are douchebags; for all they know, she doesn't have any). The phrasing also sounds defensive -- like you're making excuses. I would go with something more succinct and descriptive. For example:

During my junior year at UCLA, my aunt was suffering from [x terminal disease]. In April of that year, she passed away. I have always been uniquely close to my aunt, and I spent much of my junior year providing her with care and companionship as her condition deteriorated. I believe that the amount of time I spent with my aunt and the emotional toll of the experience together account for my abnormally low grades during my junior year. I am confident that my grades during my other years at UCLA better reflect both my abilities and my dedication to my education.

Obviously, you don't want to use this phrasing, but it gives you an idea of how else you might write the addendum.

[Anonymous User]

Yeah i felt like it was a little too dramatic. Thank you though. I appreciate it!