2nd Attempt at Diversity Statement - be brutal Forum

[Anonymous User]

I had always been a bad farmer. When my dad started our family farm in the rural town of XXXXXX, VT, I helped with milking the goats every day. I made many mistakes though. While milking, I once pumped cleaning fluid into our bulk tank, ruining an entire batch of milk. Another time, I forgot to take the machines off of the goats for almost a half hour. I often made these kinds of mistakes because I was too busy reading on the job. My parents believed in education and tolerated my mistakes. They chocked them up to being too absent-minded and a bit bookish. When I was growing up, I never identified as a farmer or a Vermonter. What mattered to me was doing well in school and finding a way to leave Vermont. When I was accepted to XXXXXX, I celebrated the opportunity to finally escape the farm.
At XXXXXX, being a poor farmer became an inescapable part of who I was. I quickly discovered that the way others saw me fit more with the Vermont that I had left than I thought. While at my first debate tournament, my debate partner told me I was a “hick”. He was talking about my Vermont accent, the cheap dress clothes that did not fit properly. I had always felt so distant from life in Vermont. I had always wanted to leave, but it turned out that Vermont was not a place I could escape, but would instead have to be a part of me that I embraced.
While it took time to become comfortable as a Vermonter, I found that the perspective I offered other XXXXXX students was ultimately a valuable one. In college, I was able to study comparative literature and delve deeply into issues of philosophy, theory, and diversity. The academic skills that had set me apart in high school allowed me to be a part of the conversation, while my experiences of rural life gave me a unique perspective. These classes focused on issues of race, class, and gender. As a poor white male, I was able to offer thoughts that came simultaneously from a position of privilege and disadvantage. I also developed a strong interest in the study of how locality intersects with other aspects of diversity to impact individuals. In particular, the way in which rural communities were disproportionately affected by poverty. I was able to discuss how my family’s poverty and life growing up in a tiny town affected my life. I also found that I had a lot in common with many minority students coming from urban areas. Despite being from the nearly opposite environments, our common experiences prompted me to think critically about the importance of emphasizing the qualities that bring people together.
While in law school, I would like to continue studying issues of diversity and the intersection of class, race, and locality in the law while keeping an eye to the commonalities that unite people from differing backgrounds. Ideally, the study of human rights law and constitutional law would allow me to analyze these issues in the context of both national and international applications. Given my experiences both growing up and at XXXXXX, I will be able to understand how issues of privilege, disadvantage, and commonality influence the law and will therefore contribute to the diversity of the law school environment.

[lastsamurai]

I'd focus more on being a farmer's son than being a Vermonter as Vermonter doesn't say diversity to me. It also sounds like you never embraced your diversity but rather tried to run away from it and realized you couldn't and had to deal with that. I'd do a re-write with maybe a more nostalgic tone.

Also, don't use intersect twice in a one page essay and make sure the vocabulary you're using is natural and not forced.

I think you've got a workable topic, but it needs some editing.

Good luck!