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[Anonymous User]

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[jac101689]

Stylistically, you're pretty good. Proofread; there are some typos. I do not see many but I do see some that could be damning.

I also think the story has potential.

In my opinion, though, you characterize lawyers too negatively here given that multiple lawyers will be reading it. They may agree with you, sure, but say there are six or seven lawyers on the admissions committee. Don't you think your essay suggests you believe a significant percentage of lawyers lack empathy?

[Anonymous User]

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[neprep]

I like the story you tell, but the last bit about the mixing of academic disciplines does not emerge organically from a story that is otherwise about differentiating yourself ethically from some of your harshly-described coworkers. That move looks like a last-minute "quick, let me just make this essay relevant to Penn." The move is especially suspect because Penn's ostensible interdisciplinary approach to legal studies is blatantly advertised (it's right there in the fee waiver email), so it looks like you're just telling them what they want to hear; this is usually a fine strategy, but then it needs to be carried out so that what you say doesn't sound forced and disingenuous.

[Anonymous User]

OP here: thanks guys!