1st take on my personal statement Forum

[Anonymous User]

This is my first draft. I struggled with finding an interesting topic and I'm not sure if this fits the bill or not. I would appreciate any edits and/or feedback. Thanks for the help TLSers.


As I stood on the field for the last time on a cool November afternoon, tears streaming from my face, I felt a distinct emptiness. A day I had long dreaded had finally presented itself. Although all athletic careers must come to an end, this had a much greater meaning to me. After fifteen years where everyone knew me as “a football player”, I suddenly felt as if I had lost a significant piece of myself.

I learned the idea of passion at a young age. After years of watching the National Football League on television and a great deal of pleading on my part, my parents allowed me to sign up for my youth team. From the first time I strapped on my shoulder pads as a wide-eyed third grader, I was in love with the game. Simply nothing could compare to the rush I’d get when breaking free on a long touchdown run or the feeling of accomplishment when my team had won a hard fought game. From that point on I made it my life goal to become the best player I could be and to make it to the NFL.

I attacked my football dreams with relentless ambition. Working hard at practice for two hours a day was never enough. Oftentimes I’d run extra sprints after practice to build my speed. During my free time I would research workouts and watch tapes of professionals to try to mimic their moves. When my parents were able to scrape up the money, I would beg them to send me away to football camps where I could further nurture my craft. Throughout this, I never felt like the hard work I put in was a struggle, but rather a pursuit towards a passionate goal. This pursuit led me to becoming an all conference player and team captain for my high school team in XXX State. When I realized I wasn’t going to be playing college football at a Division 1 program that typically feeds players to the NFL, I utilized my athletic ability to help me get a top-notch liberal arts education at XXX College where I once again became a team captain and Most Valuable Player award winner.

When I reflect on my football career I realize that it provided me something so much more valuable than just a game I loved to play. Through my athletic endeavors I was instilled with many of my most important life skills. I learned how to work in a team with various types of personalities, how to overcome adversity, and how to deal with high levels of pressure. However, the greatest lesson I learned through football was how much can be achieved when hard work is coupled with tremendous passion.

Looking back on that autumn day it’s apparent that it wasn’t the loss of the football player title that I miss the most, but having that burning desire to work towards a goal I felt passionately about. I continue to work my hardest in everything I do, including my young career, where I have achieved a great amount of success. Despite this, I have not felt the fervor I felt during my football career while working towards the goals of my current job. However, as my interest in pursuing a career in law has grown, I have once again found the passion in my hard work that I had lost. Coming home to study for the LSAT after working over fifty hours was not a chore, but rather an opportunity for me to work feverishly towards a goal I felt truly passionate about. If admitted I will continue to utilize the skills I have learned in my athletic career and push myself with enthusiasm to become a valuable member of the community at XXX Law School, and ultimately to become a great lawyer.

[lawschool2014hopeful]

Everything except the last paragraph, nicely written.

Your last paragraph leaves some questions

#1) What young career are you referring to?
#2) What is your current job?
#3) Why has your interest in law grown?

I think once you have answered those questions, this is a fairly decent statement. But obviously, given the nature of the topic, it is not a statement I believe that will shock anyone to admit you that your numbers wont get you in.

[Anonymous User]

Thanks for the reply and advice jimmierock.