Rough First Draft Critiques Please! Forum

[Anonymous User]

Deleted since I am on to a new topic!

[jselson]

This is a step back from the first draft. At least that one had a narrative conflict, however glib. This one's just "I progressively got better at bowling. Also, the bowling alley was really cold."

I 100% stand behind my original comment that you shouldn't write about this topic, and that you should focus on something more recent.

[Magical Trevor]

Jselson pretty much nailed it.

My best guess as to why you want to attend law school, after reading your statement, is that you feel like the bowling ball was too violent and you want justice for pins everywhere.

[Ramius]

It is absolutely time to pick a new topic. This one just doesn't work and I don't see how you could turn it into a passable PS. Sorry, OP.

[lastsamurai]

Agreed, unfortunately. I wanted to like it, but there just wasn't any drama

[Anonymous User]

Thanks guys it was very helpful! I am onto a new topic I think I just needed to write something and this is what came out!