Draft #2 Please Critique Forum

[Anonymous User]

Delete

[Anastasia Dee Dualla]

[Deleted at OP's request]

[chinadoll]

This will sound harsh, but from one Asian kid to another, don't make the same mistake every other Asian did does...

I hope you're planning to submit this as a diversity statement, because that's how it reads. Put some action in there; witnessing does not count as an action and beliefs/reflections are even cheaper than words. Your grades/lsat must be stellar if you're going to make a statement like this:

As an attorney, I know that I will help people in a very important way--one in which everyday people of modest means are lifted up and empowered to be treated equally through the lens of the law. From there, I hope to and would help build integration in Los Angeles.

and by stellar I mean Stanford Law is not a reach for you. Also, the last 6 paragraphs hint that you were once a pre-med but for one reason or another decided to switch to law. If that's true and your resume suggests as much, find a way to explain it quickly. Law schools really hate serving as a last resort for medical school escapees/rejects.

[Anonymous User]

Thanks Anastasia Dee Dualla and chinadoll for your feedback. My feelings aren't hurt in any way. Thankfully this is an early draft. Appreciate the help!

[t-14orbust]

Seems like OP wants the quotes gone since they deleted their comment