Posted a form of this a few days ago so it might sound familiar... made some significant changes thought. Looking for any feedback/criticism. Am I on the right track?? Thanks all.
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A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance. Forum
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Anonymous User
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A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Jul 31, 2013 8:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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jselson
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Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
What are your numbers?
This is the sort of essay that will neither help nor hurt you. Where your numbers predict you'll get in, you'll get in. It's utterly predictable, but competently written and shows you're a good dude. But it just lacks a unique personality. It's the lack of strong verbs and unique phrasing, I think. It basically reads like every TFA essay.
Only thing that really stood out as wrong was "touching the taking pictures." Huh?
Also, whenever I see the word "rigorous" in a PS, I react negatively to it. I figure most adcomms do the same, especially when combined with superficial school namedropping (although the "location" reason is a legitimately good one).
Not meaning to be harsh - again, it's perfectly acceptable, and the story/goals make sense. But it isn't memorable.
This is the sort of essay that will neither help nor hurt you. Where your numbers predict you'll get in, you'll get in. It's utterly predictable, but competently written and shows you're a good dude. But it just lacks a unique personality. It's the lack of strong verbs and unique phrasing, I think. It basically reads like every TFA essay.
Only thing that really stood out as wrong was "touching the taking pictures." Huh?
Also, whenever I see the word "rigorous" in a PS, I react negatively to it. I figure most adcomms do the same, especially when combined with superficial school namedropping (although the "location" reason is a legitimately good one).
Not meaning to be harsh - again, it's perfectly acceptable, and the story/goals make sense. But it isn't memorable.
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tirakon
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jump_man
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Anonymous User
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Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
OP here. Thanks for the tips all. I will see what I can do to make it more memorable.
In response to the numbers question, I'm at 3.2/175, so I imagine my PS will come into play more frequently than most.
In response to the numbers question, I'm at 3.2/175, so I imagine my PS will come into play more frequently than most.
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