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Anonymous User
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Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 19, 2013 1:13 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:32 am, edited 3 times in total.
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jselson

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Re: First draft - any suggestions greatly appreciated

Post by jselson » Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:21 pm

If you want anyone to get past the first sentence, you need to change it immediately. You sound like James and the Giant Peach. (No offense, just being honest.)
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Anonymous User
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Re: First draft - any suggestions greatly appreciated

Post by Anonymous User » Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:29 pm

Appreciate the honesty, got rid of the first couple of sentences. Slow day at work and I have been playing around with alot of ideas.
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