Thoughts on beginning my PS like this Forum

[Humbert Humbert]

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[nugnoy]

I think it's attention grabbing, sort of close to "cute" but not that much. The major problem I see with this is its volume. If you did all 3, it'll take up a third of a page SINGLE-SPACED. And all three things could be said in a single sentence that says: I was rejected from varsity hockey and job interview, and performed discouragingly bad* on the LSAT. I'm not sure if you're going to single or double space it but you might have problem fitting it into 2 pages required by some schools. I did something like this, but ended up scrapping it because

1. The novelty value, to me, is not worth the danger of annoying a dean by coming off as "cute"
2. I myself ended up looking back and thinking it was unnecessary and too much.
3. I ran out of space for things like this
4. Montauk's admission book specifically quotes deans wanting serious, matter-of-fact essays rather than experiment.

Mine was a bit different though, a bit more gimmicky whereas yours is more of facts embellished in presentation.

I'd recommend you to not worry about the hook for now, and work on the body. After you finish you actual statement, see if you have space to do this. The hook is much more flexible to change than your content, so prioritizing the body is better imo.

*I'm not saying 151 is discouragingly bad, but it seems to me that's the set up you're building.

[rinkrat19]

As the above poster said, it wastes a lot of page space, which is at a premium in this exercise, just to be cute. You could accomplish pretty much the same thing, minus a bit of the cuteness, with something like: "The varsity hockey team didn't need me. [Company] didn't want me. And [Prep Company] had just relegated me to their beginner-level LSAT class. It was one of those moments when you feel like giving up, but I decided to..." (something less cliché for that last sentence).

[Humbert Humbert]

I appreciate the replies and I definitely agree with the spacing concern. The reason I used the email intro is to point to three different moments of adversity I've faced (one before college, one during, one after college) and explain throughout the essay how I grew in response to each one in different ways. I want my conclusion to be something along the lines of: through dedication/perserverence/hard work, you can achieve great things etc etc.

In that way, I see the emails serving as signposts or markers on a roadmap that I plan to address/flesh out throughout the essay.

Any other thoughts?

[crumpetsandtea]

I appreciate the replies and I definitely agree with the spacing concern. The reason I used the email intro is to point to three different moments of adversity I've faced (one before college, one during, one after college) and explain throughout the essay how I grew in response to each one in different ways. I want my conclusion to be something along the lines of: through dedication/perserverence/hard work, you can achieve great things etc etc.

In that way, I see the emails serving as signposts or markers on a roadmap that I plan to address/flesh out throughout the essay.

Any other thoughts?

Like Rinkrat said, you could easily reduce them to a sentence each without sacrificing the intent of the introduction. It's not good enough of an intro to justify the space it takes.

[Humbert Humbert]

I appreciate the replies and I definitely agree with the spacing concern. The reason I used the email intro is to point to three different moments of adversity I've faced (one before college, one during, one after college) and explain throughout the essay how I grew in response to each one in different ways. I want my conclusion to be something along the lines of: through dedication/perserverence/hard work, you can achieve great things etc etc.

In that way, I see the emails serving as signposts or markers on a roadmap that I plan to address/flesh out throughout the essay.

Any other thoughts?

Like Rinkrat said, you could easily reduce them to a sentence each without sacrificing the intent of the introduction. It's not good enough of an intro to justify the space it takes.

Fair enough - I'll give it a shot. Thanks!