Personal Statement Advice Greatly Appreciated! Forum

[jitsubruin]

Here is a first draft of my personal statement. Feel free to be as harsh as you want. I am not sure about the ending. Thank you very much!!

As I took my seat inside the theater, images of Chairman Mao adorned the walls along with other communist symbols including the hammer and sickle, and the red star. The low, but recognizable sound of the Internationale, a popular anthem of the socialist movement, played. The musical to be performed here was “I, Ching”, a satirical and comical show based on the life of Jiang Ching, wife of Mao Tsedong. The story begins in the decadence of Shanghai in the 1930s, continues to the war torn Yen’an grottoes, and finally ends in the turbulent 1960s as China’s Cultural Revolution continued on. I watched with a sense of pride because I knew that I played a role in bringing this performance to the United States.

About a month before the premiere of “I, Ching”, I was sitting in a conference room with my supervising attorney speaking to the performers and the support personnel via Skype. We were preparing them for their visa interview at the Hong Kong Consulate by asking them questions the officer might ask. Questions like “What is your role in this performance?” and “How long have you been associated with the theater group?” Our goal was to make sure that the interview was to go smoothly, with no hiccups, because the venues had already been booked and tickets had already been sold here in the United States.

By the time we were prepping them for their interview, the hardest part of the process had already been done – getting the petition approved by the U.S. government. In order for that to happen I had to submit evidence that established that the theater company was internationally recognized and had a high level of achievement above that normally encountered. I spent six months organizing Chinese and English interviews, reviews, posters and leaflets of their previous performances, and letters of recommendation. The 32 page letter of support that I drafted included a summary of this information and arguments why the petition should be approved.

As “I, Ching” ended, the audience came to a standing ovation. The whole cast and supporting members came to the stage and took a bow. What I had just seen were talented musicians and artists devoted to their craft, something that I could relate to – I had spent a greater part of my life performing, composing, and writing about music. My love of music culminated in a Bachelor’s degree in Music History.

After working in the legal field for the past three years, I have realized that musical performers are essentially doing the same thing that lawyers do. Musicians analyze, interpret, and perform music for the audience. While Lawyers analyze, interpret, and perform legal texts for a judge or other adjudicator. Preparing the petition for “I, Ching” and the many other legal petitions I have prepared involved those acts, and showed me that my desire is still to become a performer, but not of music. My desire is to become a ‘legal performer’ and attending xyz school will enable me to do that.

[jselson]

I quite like it, I would just cut out the school name dropping at the end completely and extend the legal performer part. It's not a rule that you have to mention the school you're applying to. At least, I didn't, and here there's nothing beyond name-dropping.

[jitsubruin]

I quite like it, I would just cut out the school name dropping at the end completely and extend the legal performer part. It's not a rule that you have to mention the school you're applying to. At least, I didn't, and here there's nothing beyond name-dropping.

Thank you, jselson! I will definitely take your advice.