Is This Sentence Proper? Forum

[Anonymous User]

"When I am a X graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."

[quakeroats]

"When I am a X graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."

No. This is beyond correction. Recast it.

[Hutz_and_Goodman]

Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.

[ms9]

I think another question is, "why would you say that in a Personal Statement"? Obviously none of us has the entire context of your text but this does not seem to be going in the right direction. Overcoming challenges or stereotypes = great. Sounding bitter = not great at all.

[Merylian]

It kind of makes you sound like you're saying you will always be correct, and that everyone will KNOW you are always correct, just because you went to [school X]. I'm going to assume that is not the vibe you are trying to convey, because if you were, that would be terrible.

[presh]

Sidenote: I don't know if you actually expect that from having a law degree or if it's just something to put in your PS, but as a female lawyer, that is DEFINITELY NOT true at all.

[ManOfTheMinute]

Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.

[ManoftheHour]

Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.

[suralin]

Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.

[PourMeTea]

Post removed.

[Bronte]

It is grammatically correct, but it is beyond repair. Its syntax is awkward in more ways than one, the sentiment it expresses is absolutely inappropriate in almost any context, and it is almost certainly not true.

[rinkrat19]

It is grammatically correct, but it is beyond repair. Its syntax is awkward in more ways than one, the sentiment it expresses is absolutely inappropriate in almost any context, and it is almost certainly not true.

+1

And may god have mercy on your soul.

[holdencaulfield]

Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.

[laxbrah420]

"When I am a X graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."

I'd change it to, "Graduating from the prestigious law school X will signal to my peers and adversaries that I am not just a Plain Jane lawyeress. While plain Jane Lawyeresses are often censured and presumed ignorant, listing school X atop my resume communicates to all, that despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously."

[suralin]

Tigress flame?

My thought as well.

[wlee1220]

Tigress flame?

My thought as well.

This.

[jkay]

Semicolons go inside the quotation marks.

Other than that, genius. Nothing could go wrong.

[Bronte]

Semicolons go inside the quotation marks.

That's not correct. Periods and commas do but not colons and semicolons. See http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/qu ... ommas.aspx. There is one small formatting error in OP's sentence in that there is an extraneous space before the first quotation mark.

[ManoftheHour]

Tigress flame?

"When I am a Cornell graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."

She still has yet to tell us why Cornell.

[Dr. Dre]

[Anonymous User]

Alright, I understand how the original sentence might have come across and here's how I revised it:

"Hence, my choice of Cornell Law School goes beyond mere fascination with its name and prestige; it is a well-thought-out decision. Going to Cornell will signal to my peers that, despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously. I will not be a mere “woman” who somebody could shut up because “she does not know what she is talking about.” This will help me tremendously in my pursuit and future goals."

[Dr. Dre]

i dont like when you say "shut up"

[Bronte]

Alright, I understand how the original sentence might have come across and here's how I revised it:

"Hence, my choice of Cornell Law School goes beyond mere fascination with its name and prestige; it is a well-thought-out decision. Going to Cornell will signal to my peers that, despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously. I will not be a mere “woman” who somebody could shut up because “she does not know what she is talking about.” This will help me tremendously in my pursuit and future goals."

Your writing has mysteriously improved, yet your ability to recognize that the content of this sentence is inappropriate has not. I'm thinking flame. If not, you really should not be writing about how Cornell is going to impress people and stop people from shutting you up because you're a woman. It sounds like a mixture of prestige whoring, bitterness, and paranoia.

[CO2016YEAH]

i dont like when you say "shut up"

Funny, that was my favorite part.

How can I politely say that op made me lol?

Seriously, though, the only way op will be taken seriously is if this sentence is altogether omitted.

Edit: To be fair, the revision isn't horrible, but it is awkward how you switch from the first to the third person. Also, I said I like the "shut up" part because it is amusing. I would opt to use more professional language, though.

[WhiteyCakes]

Tigress flame?