Do You Like this Sentence? Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Anonymous User
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Do You Like this Sentence?

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jun 04, 2013 8:05 am

"I was in such physical and mental pain and anguish that I was put on heavy sedatives that induced a semi-comatose state"?

PourMeTea

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Post by PourMeTea » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:26 am

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Last edited by PourMeTea on Fri May 08, 2015 12:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
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Re: Do You Like this Sentence?

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:05 am

PourMeTea wrote:Context
I was very sick and hospitalized

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jas1503

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Re: Do You Like this Sentence?

Post by jas1503 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:14 am

Anonymous User wrote:"I was in such physical and mental pain and anguish that I was put on heavy sedatives that induced a semi-comatose state"?
1. You can do without the multiple "and" since anguish is basically the same thing that you already mentioned.

2. Instead of "that I was", maybe mention who put you under sedatives.

3. I know that you're using "heavy" in the same sense as the word "strong", so why not just use strong or noxious--since the result put you in a state of harm.

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