Question for you English majors :o) Forum

[Sweetlady75]

"I believe that watching my father be so giving and compassionate put a drive in me to do the same with my life."


The above sentence is apart of my personal statement. Microsoft Word says there is a grammatical error. (be is the supposed mistake) But, it sounds correct to me and everyone else I had read the statement. So, please let me know if this is grammatically correct before I submit. Your help is greatly appreciated.

[mg7]

Even if it's grammatically correct, it sounds a bit awkward. I would rewrite it as "I believe that witnessing my father's giving and compassionate nature created my drive to follow suit" or something like that.

[Typhoon24]

"put a drive in me" just sounds so awkward/wrong.

just say inspired me or drove me.

[A. Nony Mouse]

IME MS Word tends to flag "to be" and all its forms as part of a general bias against the passive voice - it's not usually grammatically wrong. Also, "put a drive in me" is kind of awkward - how about "inspired me"? (Also, maybe "witnessing my father's generosity and compassion" rather than "giving and compassionate nature".)

[Sweetlady75]

Thank you all for your help! The consensus seems to be that "put a drive in me” sounds awkward. I will definitely change the sentence using your suggestions. I'm actually glad I posted this because I got some great feed back.

[cgw]

Passive voice is not always wrong, per say, but there's almost always a better way to express the thought. The use of "giving", however, was the sentence's worst offense, in my opinion. I would suggest:

Witnessing my father's generosity and compassion has inspired similar qualities in my own character and actions.

[Leaborb192]

"I believe that watching my father be so giving and compassionate put a drive in me to do the same with my life."

My father's philanthropic and compassionate nature drove me to do the same.

The above sentence is apart of my personal statement. Microsoft Word says there is a grammatical error. (be is the supposed mistake) But, it sounds correct to me and everyone else I had read the statement. So, please let me know if this is grammatically correct before I submit. Your help is greatly appreciated.